Thank Goodness It's Monday #328

MAKE MAGIC ON HALLOWEEN

The countdown to Halloween 2011 finalizes today – although, for a great many kids, as well as some adults, and certainly for all those retail establishments that sell candy by the bag, the “observance” has been going on for quite a while.

Despite the commerciality, scary movie tie ins and adoption of All-Hallows’-Eve naming rights, the origins of the observance comes down to us from the pre-Christian era Celtic festival of Samhain, held on the last autumn night in the northern hemisphere.

On this night – considered Celtic New Year – the Druids believed that the supernatural world drew closer to the physical world, so human beings were more susceptible to the influence and power of the unseen.

Making magic. Magic spells could be cast more easily. Divination was more revealing. Dreams held special significance.

This capsule history is adapted from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book Simple Abundance. She continues:

 "I believe that Halloween is the perfect reminder that magic flows through us, mystery infuses every encounter of every day.

“We conjure up the shoe that cannot be found anywhere in the house … transform leftovers into a feast … coax a bounty from the barren earth … banish fear … heal hurts … make money stretch till the end of the month.

“We do all this and much more.

“But most (people) aren’t aware of their tremendous power for good.”

TGIM Takeaway: What a success-minded approach to an occasion that’s become so overcommercialized and even subject to criticism!

As Breathnach suggests, isn’t magic what we perform daily?

Don’t we – as leaders in our families, communities and in the business world shape forces with creativity … bring into the physical world something that existed only in the realm of imagination?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: If this can be done virtually unconsciously, how much more might we accomplish – how much more success might we achieve – if we remain fully attune to our “magical” powers?

“I am sure there is magic in everything …” observed Frances Eliza Hodgson Burnett (1849 – 1924). She was a playwright and author best known today for her children's stories, in particular The Secret Garden and Little Lord Fauntleroy (which, although an anachronism now, was the Harry Potter of its time and made her essentially the J. K. Rowling of her day; wealthy, celebrated and influential).

“I am sure there is magic in everything’” she said –

“Only we have not the sense to get hold and make it do things for us.”

Maybe now we do.

As the co-creator with Eric Taylor of the Best Year Ever program, I support the concept that a “New Year” begins whenever you say it does. And I intend to observe and celebrate every cultural “New Year” occasion, official or otherwise.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: With a New Year insight on Halloween/Samhain, consider all the lives you touch. Commit to using your magical powers most wisely and effectively – today and every day.

Catching the Halloween spirit. Trying to be a little less Muggle and a little more magical.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. Top 10 Signs You May Be Too Old to Be Trick or Treating

Life-like, life-size sculptures

created by contemporary artist

Gilles Barbier

for his work

Super Hero Nursing Home

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

  9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
  8. You ask for high-fiber candy only.
  7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance.
  6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" -- and you're not wearing a mask.
  5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
  4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
  3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
  2. You're the only costumed super hero in the neighborhood with a walker.
  1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #327

WHAT IF THERE ARE NO UNIVERSAL RULES?

So I’ve been getting a little flack lately about the “Rules” we’ve been sharing here.

Not grievous, harmful, stop-me-dead-in-my tracks flack.

Quite the contrary actually.  Starting with TGIM #235 I characterized them as “Universal Rules to Live By.”

But since then a number of folks have engaged me with their thoughtful input on whether what we’re posting are “Rules” or “Secrets” (like the popular program The Secret), or “Laws” or “Guidelines” or “Wisdom” or similar descriptions.

And …

There’s been some questioning of just how to characterize them: Universal …, First … Immutable … Undeniable … or maybe just Useful Rules. (If most things in life were “just useful” imagine how far ahead we’d be.)

And, finally …

Some have commented on the scope of their influence: Rules of Life, … of Success, … of Survival, … of Attraction, … for Getting By.

So --

First of all: Thank you for your input. I appreciate it and hope you’ll stay engaged in such a thoughtful way.

Second: I’ve tried to process all you’ve told me and, now that I have, I’ve formulated what I hope is a satisfactory response.

TGIM Takeaway: You’re right.

You are correct. Whatever your position on what we’ve posted so far, your characterization and interpretation of these – uh, let’s just call them Useful Rules – is absolutely correct. For you.

There’s even a rule for it, sort of. Remember Dr. Spock (no, not the pointy-eared, ever-logical character Leonard Nimoy played in the Star Trek series)? I’m referring to the real, live, earthling Dr. Benjamin Spock; the bestselling author of the baby guide that millions of parents consulted while raising the baby boom generation.

Let’s take his primary bit of advice for new parents, allow it be applied to virtually every situation and call it –

Dr. Spock’s First Rule:

Trust yourself.

You know more than you think you know.

And so it goes for all the rules we have and will be sharing. In fact, so it goes for almost any advice you receive from others that doesn’t sit quite right with you.

So in this spirit (and allowing for The First Rule of Rules which is There’s usually an exception to every rule – including this one) I’m going to press on and continue to share more –

Useful Rules To Live By

In this round, let’s look at “Useful Rules” that, as with Dr. Spock’s Rule, tend to be of a personal nature.

The Useful Rule of …

• Perception: The world is exactly as you perceive it to be.

• Possibility: If you say it’s impossible, it probably is.  And, if you say it’s possible, it probably is.

• Walking the walk: People believe you when they see you living it.

• Setting/achieving goals: Every arrow that flies feels the attraction of the earth. If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it.

• Empowerment: Everyone deserves, at least once a day, for someone else to make them feel significant.

• Honesty: Always tell the truth as you know it, remembering that others may know differently.

• Multi-tasking: One thing at a time.

• Amazement: Take nothing for granted.

• Responsibility: Clean up your own mess.

• Enthusiasm: Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.

• R-E-S-P-E-C-T (with apologies to Aretha Franklin): If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself (with props to The Staple Singers).

• Belief: Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

• Opportunity: Is greatest where you are. The lure of the distant is deceptive

• Risk taking: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

• New beginnings: Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

• Persistence: Fall seven times, get up eight.

Do these Useful Rules “work” for you? I hope so.

And beyond Useful, they’re meant to be “Universal” enough so they pass the standard Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) termed –

The Categorical Imperative: Stated in an extremely over-simplified way, that’s the belief that everyone should follow only those principles they would like to see applied universally. Kant defined an imperative as any proposition that declares a certain action (or inaction) to be necessary. And he argued that “immorality” occurs when people set special standards for themselves alone.

Can you play by these rules? Then –

Share please.

Add to the collection with a qualifying rule (or rules) you’re guided by. Post a response. Or reach out directly at tgimguy@gmail.com. Just tell your story to the best of your ability. And if you have a source or attribution, please share that. Thanks.

Wrapping up for today: Since we started with Dr. Spock, and made a passing reference to the Start-Trekking half-human/half-Vulcan science officer, let’s close with a “rule” we know he would endorse.

Mr. Spock’s Rule: Live long and prosper.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is an organized life.” Immanuel Kant said that.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #326

WHAT’S BETTER THAN THE GOLDEN RULE?

You know “The Golden Rule.” It was the most-received response to last week’s TGIM #325 call for additional Universal Rules worth sharing.

It figures, actually. Scores of influential sources recount the universality of this basic precept of widely held religious and spiritual thinking.

Norman Rockwell created this illustration
which, in 1985,
was rendered as a mosaic
and presented to the United Nations
to celebrate its 40th anniversary.

The most commonly cited versions are rooted in the King James Version of “New Testament” Christianity:

Matthew 7:12 – “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”

Luke 6:31– “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”

And, in one of those serendipitous moments that make you go “Wow!,” my current bedside reading talks about the so-called Gnostic Gospels -- the cache of sometimes alternative texts from the beginning of the Christian era unearthed in an archeological dig in Egypt in 1945.

There a writing known as the Didache (Greek for “teaching”) written in Syria about ten years before Matthew and Luke opens with a negative version of the so-called Golden Rule:

“The Way of Life is this: First you shall love the God who made you, and your neighbor as yourself; and whatever you do not want to have done to you, do not do to another.”

The other dominant Abrahamic religions stress comparable reasoning in a number of places, most similarly perhaps in:

Leviticus 19:34 – “The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself…” for the Jewish faith –

And for Islamists, in the Qur’an at various places, stating the positive form of the rule in:

Surah 24 v. 22 -- “...and you should forgive. And overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.”

The Golden Rule from A to Z: Almost all A-for-Ancient cultures – Babylonian, Egyptian, Greek, and Chinese -- have addressed The Golden Rule’s idea of ethical reciprocity. (Wikipedia details many, many variants from a wide range of traditions here.)

And, apparently, the Z-for-Zoroastrianism, translated-from-Pahlavi comparative text is Dadistan-I-dinik 94:5 -- “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.”

So, harkening back to today’s headline, it takes a bit of brass (yes, metal pun) to challenge all this wisdom and suggest that, perhaps –

The Golden Rule is flawed. Not fatally, mind you. And certainly not at all if it’s interpreted in the broadest, most generous way, as I expect most TGIM readers are inclined to do.

But here’s the “catch” as the Golden Rule stands: As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, the tastes of those who receive our Golden Rule treatment may not be the same as ours.

So to press our desires (“as ye would that men should do to you”) on them might not be well received at all.

Easy-to-grasp example: We might want other people to ignore our race or nationality when deciding how to act towards us, but would also want them to not ignore our differing preferences in food, musical tastes, desire for closeness, and so on.

TGIM Takeaway: Trying to live according to the Golden Rule means working proactively at empathizing with other people, including those who may be very different from us.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Empathy is at the root of kindness, compassion, understanding and respect – qualities that we all appreciate being shown, whoever we are, whatever we think and wherever we come from.

So the burden to “figure out” what to do and how to do it is on those who promulgate the Golden Rule. And because it isn’t possible to know what it really feels like to be a different person or live in different circumstances and have different life experiences, it’s difficult for most of us to imagine what would cause us suffering and to try to avoid causing suffering to others.

For this reason some people may find the Golden Rule’s corollary (sometimes called The Silver Rule) – “do not treat people in a way you would not wish to be treated yourself” – more pragmatic and easier to put into action.

Or --

With such an important precept, perhaps it’s best to clearly state, in a positive way, the most generous understanding of The Golden Rule’s elements of pragmatic empathy, kindness, reciprocity and acceptance of an “other” point of view from the get go.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Some people call this “improved” version of The Golden Rule –

The Platinum Rule

Do unto others,

wherever reasonable,

as they want to be done by.

Hmmm? Once again we run up against the barrier of knowing just precisely how “they” who differ seriously from us “want to be done by.”

How do you know how others want to be treated?

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: The obvious way is to ask them.

While this may not be easily done if they’re candidates for Platinum Rule treatment, it’s still worth trying. Even if you can’t get an actionable answer, that process presents the best possible way to open a dialogue and allows you to establish your good intentions.

So has this TGIM message “done right” by you?

In the non-sectarian, not-very-scholarly world of TGIM, let’s deem whatever “rule” we endorse –

A consistency principle. It doesn't mean to give all the answers. It doesn’t claim to be an infallible guide to which actions are right or wrong. It only recommends a path to coherence and consistency; that we not have our actions toward others be out of harmony with our desires -- or theirs.

And there’s not much that’s better than that.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com

P.S. Just one more point: Whether Platinum … or Gold … or Silver, the “Rule” doesn't replace regular moral norms. If, for example, you don’t believe in killing, no rule or even desire on the part of the person on the other side of your dilemma compels you to violate that conviction.

P.P.S. “Even as wisdom often comes from the mouths of babes, so does it often come from the mouths of old people. The golden rule is to test everything in the light of reason and experience, no matter from where it comes.” Mahatma (the honorific means “Great Soul”) – Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948) said that.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #325

THE WORLD IS FLAT

AND OTHER UNIVERSAL RULES TO LIVE BY

(OR NOT)

The world is flat. In your youthful grammar school days (daze?) weren’t you taught that “flat world” … you’ll sail off the edge … “there be monsters” in the uncharted ocean, were “universal rules” that Christopher Columbus didn’t accept, and by his voyages, subsequently demolished?

Did this picture of Columbus
hang in every grammar school?

If you went to my grammar school when I did (shortly after Chris made his voyages) that was the simplistic lesson that conveyed a kinda complicated --

Kid-hood Takeaway: The history lesson suggested that abiding by conventional wisdom and “universal” rules was, perhaps, not the correct path.

On the other hand: I say the message was kinda complicated because, at least in my upbringing, there were “Universal Rules” that were, no doubt, the correct path. And you defied these at your peril.

Example: The absorbed-in-childhood rule for crossing the street: “Look both ways!” No doubt a necessary bit of guidance.

Example: Or “Don’t talk to strangers” -- a cautionary kid rule which you should now disregard at every networking opportunity.

Example: Or “Do as I say, not as I do.” What’s a kid to make of an imperative like that?

Uh oh …

As good as those rules may be at some point in our growing up, clearly our adult successes are often built around or improved by other rules -- often presumed to be Universal -- which we incorporate into our lives and our philosophies and aspire to live by.

Example: The fundamental Rules of Self-Improvement –

#1: It will be difficult.
#2: It will be worth it.

Got it? Great! So a good rule for getting even more from this TGIM is to consider these –

Universal Rules To Live By

(And even if you don’t find them “Universal”

You’ll no doubt find them Useful)

The Universal/Useful Rule of …

• Time management: Make the time because you’ll never find the time.

• Happiness: Don’t seek happiness. Create it.

• Laughter: Be able to laugh at yourself.

• Winning: The will to win is not nearly as important as the will to prepare to win.

• Preparation: Dig the well before you’re thirsty.

• Sales: Stop selling and start helping.

• Overcoming adversity: The best way to forget your own problems is to help someone else with theirs.

• Getting what you want: Ask for it.

• Dealing with others: Patience.

• Goal setting: Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you’ll end up among the stars.

• Risk taking: If you don’t take a chance, you’ll never stand a chance.

• A successful product or service: Be first, best, or different.

• Fitness (or healthful living, or weight loss): Eat less and exercise more.

• Overcoming procrastination (aka The Nike Rule): Just do it.

• Starting the day off right: Say “Good morning!” even if it isn’t.

• Being interesting: Be interested.

• Being a great student: Ask good questions.

• Being a great teacher/leader: Keep being a student.

But wait, there’s more.

(Not much more.)

But an important “more.” Although we now know that the many learned folks on the scene in 1492 or thereabouts understood the earth as a globe and other scientific truths, let’s call it --

The Columbus Day Rule

(The rest of the year it’s called The First Rule of Rules.)

There’s usually an exception to every rule

– including this one.

Were these Useful Rules for you? Did they make you smile … or say, “That’s true” … or at least bring some long “forgotten” rule you’re guided by back to top-of-mind awareness?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Share please. Post a response. Or reach out directly at tgimguy@gmail.com.

It would be cool if your Universal/Useful Rule can be stated concisely like these.

But it’s not necessary. I’d love to read your rules and maybe even include them in future TGIMs.

Just tell your story to the best of your ability. And if you have a source or attribution, please share that. Thanks.

But wait, there’s more.
(But not much more, really.)

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Here are just two more Universal Rules that should guide our thinking:

• • The Last Rule of Rules: Reading these or any other rules is not enough. If they are to work for you, you have to use them.

• • Geoff’s personal rule: Everything Happens For The Best – For Those Who Make It Happen. (EHFTB-FTWMIH.)

Make it happen.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “Rules are made up for people who aren’t willing to make up their own.” Charles Elwood "Chuck" Yeager -- retired major general in the United States Air Force and noted test pilot (the first pilot to travel faster than sound in1947) said that. 

Thank Goodness It's Monday #324

8 PROVEN-IN-ACTION WAYS

TO DEFUSE CONFLICT

All too often people who interact frequently are at odds with one another; particularly in today’s economically pressured workplace.

Out of the frying pan: People behaving badly inevitably make matters worse, hamper the productivity of the group and can affect the well-being of everyone concerned.

Into the fire: It just takes two folks battling to create workplace-wide tension, cause bottle necks in workflow, stop projects and profits dead in their tracks.

But is it your responsibility to bring warring parties together, help them sort out their differences and create a harmonious atmosphere?

As a diligent TGIM reader you probably suspect it is.

And, if you’ve got the tools to do the job, maybe it is.

So let’s see if we can give you some of those tools.

The critical first steps: How do you determine if The Situation (No Governor Christie, not the Jersey Shore character, although …) is serious enough to warrant your intervention?

Here are some guidelines:

► Are the people involved constantly overreacting? Is their behavior disproportionate to the severity of the situation?

Case In point: If two people are having a screaming match about a document – say, a new product spec sheet -- it probably signals that the conflict goes much deeper than a disagreement about quality of printing or the graphic design.

► Have issues become inextricably entangled with the personalities involved?

Case In point: Sometimes a person will reject a proposal or refuse to back a project just to defy the person who proposed it, regardless of its merit or lack thereof.

► Is everyone hearing the same thing?

Case In point: Often when people are at odds they misconstrue everything the other says, invariably assuming the worst. Do you get two completely different stories when you talk to each person alone? That’s indicative of a communication problem. The question then becomes “How bad a problem?” Communication may be blocked by misconceptions or, at the extreme, may be nonexistent.

In situations such as these it might be beneficial to intercede and mediate between feuding parties.

Here are 8 proven-in-action steps for defusing conflict. You may fill in your own best practices at any step along the way:

1: Get to Switzerland. Get those involved to hash out the problem in neutral territory. Meet in a conference room, maybe your office, maybe off premises – but not in either party’s “territory.”

2: Come together. If possible, seat opposing parties close to each other. In most cases it’s harder to stay hostile when the opposition is close. Choose a seating arrangement that invites discussion, for example, at a round table or in a circle or semi-circle so no on appears to be in charge. Sit with them, not behind a desk or at the head of the table or such.

3: Become “Swiss.” Act as intermediary. Leave your own biases at the door. Don’t appear to take sides during the meeting even if you favor a particular point of view. Remain cool and calm, even if the discussion gets heated.

4: Get the facts. If the situation involves documents or evidence, make sure everyone knows the need to provide them in advance and put copies in hands of each opponent in advance. Listen to each side in turn. Don’t let either party interrupt the other. Record your impressions.

5: Help clarify misunderstandings. “Bob, you thought that your Marketing Department takes the lead here, is that correct? “And Sue, you believed that it was the responsibility of Sales?”

6: Act as a conciliator. Help both parties see and reach an amicable solution. “Bob, what if the next time you receive a spec list from Engineering, you schedule a three-Department sit-down including Sales to establish a priority order of the features and benefits for the promo material?” “Who do you think would best represent Sales in that meeting, Sue; you or a particular rep who you’d designate?”

7: Let them hash it out. If the solution is not immediately apparent, ask both parties to reach a middle ground themselves. Set a deadline. “We’ll meet again on Wednesday. Please come prepared with ways this issue can be resolved.”

8: Pull rank only if necessary. Be willing to arbitrate and stand firm by your judgment. If the parties can’t come up with their own solution, devise one of your own (get higher-up permission if necessary). At what seems the final impasse, announce your intent, but not your solution. “Since neither of you can see how to proceed, I’ll settle it. And I’ll expect you to abide by my decision. So before I do, please make one more try.”

TGIM ACTION STEPS ROUNDUP: If these steps and opportunities don’t get people in conflict to pull together, plan how you will enforce your #8 settlement, impose it and back up your words with action.

That’s what I’m doing now. I promised 8 guidelines at the start. And I suggested that you had the opportunity to add your own best practices. So go use them.

Now I’m backing up my words with action and ending this TGIM.

And I don’t expect to hear any grousing about it.  

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”  William James (1842-1910) Psychologist and pragmatic leader of the philosophical movement of Pragmatism said that.