Thank Goodness It's Monday #324

8 PROVEN-IN-ACTION WAYS

TO DEFUSE CONFLICT

All too often people who interact frequently are at odds with one another; particularly in today’s economically pressured workplace.

Out of the frying pan: People behaving badly inevitably make matters worse, hamper the productivity of the group and can affect the well-being of everyone concerned.

Into the fire: It just takes two folks battling to create workplace-wide tension, cause bottle necks in workflow, stop projects and profits dead in their tracks.

But is it your responsibility to bring warring parties together, help them sort out their differences and create a harmonious atmosphere?

As a diligent TGIM reader you probably suspect it is.

And, if you’ve got the tools to do the job, maybe it is.

So let’s see if we can give you some of those tools.

The critical first steps: How do you determine if The Situation (No Governor Christie, not the Jersey Shore character, although …) is serious enough to warrant your intervention?

Here are some guidelines:

► Are the people involved constantly overreacting? Is their behavior disproportionate to the severity of the situation?

Case In point: If two people are having a screaming match about a document – say, a new product spec sheet -- it probably signals that the conflict goes much deeper than a disagreement about quality of printing or the graphic design.

► Have issues become inextricably entangled with the personalities involved?

Case In point: Sometimes a person will reject a proposal or refuse to back a project just to defy the person who proposed it, regardless of its merit or lack thereof.

► Is everyone hearing the same thing?

Case In point: Often when people are at odds they misconstrue everything the other says, invariably assuming the worst. Do you get two completely different stories when you talk to each person alone? That’s indicative of a communication problem. The question then becomes “How bad a problem?” Communication may be blocked by misconceptions or, at the extreme, may be nonexistent.

In situations such as these it might be beneficial to intercede and mediate between feuding parties.

Here are 8 proven-in-action steps for defusing conflict. You may fill in your own best practices at any step along the way:

1: Get to Switzerland. Get those involved to hash out the problem in neutral territory. Meet in a conference room, maybe your office, maybe off premises – but not in either party’s “territory.”

2: Come together. If possible, seat opposing parties close to each other. In most cases it’s harder to stay hostile when the opposition is close. Choose a seating arrangement that invites discussion, for example, at a round table or in a circle or semi-circle so no on appears to be in charge. Sit with them, not behind a desk or at the head of the table or such.

3: Become “Swiss.” Act as intermediary. Leave your own biases at the door. Don’t appear to take sides during the meeting even if you favor a particular point of view. Remain cool and calm, even if the discussion gets heated.

4: Get the facts. If the situation involves documents or evidence, make sure everyone knows the need to provide them in advance and put copies in hands of each opponent in advance. Listen to each side in turn. Don’t let either party interrupt the other. Record your impressions.

5: Help clarify misunderstandings. “Bob, you thought that your Marketing Department takes the lead here, is that correct? “And Sue, you believed that it was the responsibility of Sales?”

6: Act as a conciliator. Help both parties see and reach an amicable solution. “Bob, what if the next time you receive a spec list from Engineering, you schedule a three-Department sit-down including Sales to establish a priority order of the features and benefits for the promo material?” “Who do you think would best represent Sales in that meeting, Sue; you or a particular rep who you’d designate?”

7: Let them hash it out. If the solution is not immediately apparent, ask both parties to reach a middle ground themselves. Set a deadline. “We’ll meet again on Wednesday. Please come prepared with ways this issue can be resolved.”

8: Pull rank only if necessary. Be willing to arbitrate and stand firm by your judgment. If the parties can’t come up with their own solution, devise one of your own (get higher-up permission if necessary). At what seems the final impasse, announce your intent, but not your solution. “Since neither of you can see how to proceed, I’ll settle it. And I’ll expect you to abide by my decision. So before I do, please make one more try.”

TGIM ACTION STEPS ROUNDUP: If these steps and opportunities don’t get people in conflict to pull together, plan how you will enforce your #8 settlement, impose it and back up your words with action.

That’s what I’m doing now. I promised 8 guidelines at the start. And I suggested that you had the opportunity to add your own best practices. So go use them.

Now I’m backing up my words with action and ending this TGIM.

And I don’t expect to hear any grousing about it.  

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”  William James (1842-1910) Psychologist and pragmatic leader of the philosophical movement of Pragmatism said that.