Thank Goodness It's Monday #299

STUBBORN-CHILD NEGOTIATING:

HOW TO MAKE PERSISTENCE PAY

Government shutdown? At a last-Friday breakfast meeting of business buddies, that was topic #1. And, naturally, the points of view about who’s to blame varied widely.

But that’s not precisely today’s TGIM topic.

Stubborn-child behavior is. That’s the recurring phrase that virtually every supporter of a differing point of view accused their adversaries of exhibiting.

Why are we surprised?

Persistence pays in almost everything. That’s why there are so many expressions such as “Hang in there” … “Stick with it” ... “Keep plugging away” and “Don’t quit.”

Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately) persistence pays in negotiating, too.

No matter how many times you tell people you don’t want to do something, or won’t make certain concessions, they keep coming back with new proposals, new “ideas,” new “facts” – as well as old ones – until it finally seems easier to say “Yes” and forget it, than to keep resisting.

And, undoubtedly, one of the best examples of the use of persistence in negotiating is –

A stubborn child. Is there a parent (or grandparent) out there who doesn’t know full well that, upon entering a mall with a four-year old, there is only one thing on the child’s mind:

To look at new toys and buy one.

So, for the sake of uncovering TGIM Takeaways we can apply in our adult-to-adult relationships – and, maybe, to come to some understanding of what’s happening in Washington these days -- let’s play this scenario out.

Case in point: Because she can’t leave her pre-schooler at home on this particular day, Mom takes him on the trip to the mall. Hoping to avoid trouble, she tells him in advance that time is limited and no toys will be purchased.

Usually there’s no complaint at the start. Nothing happens until they are actually in the mall. Then the child asks when (note the assumptive close – "when" not "if") they are going to look at the toys.

“I told you no toys today,” says Mother. “We don’t have time.”

“I don’t want to buy any, I just want to look” says Junior. And he points out they would easily have time if Mother would just hurry up a little. Only to look, of course. And he keeps at it until –

She finally gives in. Once in the toy store or the toy department, Mom keeps reminding her child, “Remember, we’re just looking. No buying today.”
  

“Which do you like better,” the child suddenly asks --



"... the race car?"



"... or the dump truck?"

  And invariably, before thinking the response through fully, Mother will say she likes one better than the other.

“So do I!” the child declares triumphantly.

“So let’s buy it!”

Mother rejects the idea and reiterates what she has said all along about no toys today. The child then turns on the tears.

“But you said you liked it. Why did you say that if you didn’t want me to have it?”

A few minutes later the negotiation has been successfully concluded. The child has the toy and has promised not to ask for another for a long, long time -- which means, in his world, not until tomorrow.

TGIM Takeaway: Very similar tactics are deployed time after time by skilled negotiators in real-world, adult, business and civic situations.

Break it down:

• Conceding something for the moment.
• Asking only one small concession at a time.
• Agreeing to some principle.
• Then going back and renegotiating to break it.

Q: When you realize these tactics are being used against you, what should you do?

In the first place: Don’t get so impatient to get it over with that you throw in the towel. When people won’t take no for an answer, don’t give in.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Give less.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION #1: Start suggesting, regretfully, that you not only can’t give more, you may have to reconsider and give less. Make your opponents realize that they are not going to make more progress. If they don’t settle quickly, they may wind up with a lot less.

Then stick to your guns and do it.

Q: If you can’t back out of the situation; if you have to settle somehow?

Deploy --

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION #2: At least pretend for as long as you can that you don’t.

Q: When should you use similar “stubborn child” tactics yourself?

That’s pretty much up to you. There is no question that the persistent negotiator – never giving up, always finding a way to try again – will often achieve their objective.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Just remember that “no” and “never” are only temporary reactions. If you mean to achieve a goal, keep going. Find a new approach and try again.

Persistence does pay. It will pay for you, too.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S.  "Good luck is another name for tenacity of purpose." Essayist, poet, philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 -1882) said that.