Thank Goodness It's Monday #459

HOW TO GET OTHERS 

TO LEVEL WITH YOU

Monarchs of old often punished bearers of bad news, making it crystal clear just who was in charge.

As a result, these despots and dictators made decisions based on incomplete or distorted information, a fact that contributed to many military defeats and the crumbling of empires.

Welcome to the 21^st Century: Of course in our enlightened era, we know that the long-term outcome of a “shoot the messenger” strategy is not a more frank and forthright information exchange but, rather, withholding or revising of unpleasant truths.

So – in the “leadership” roles we’ve achieved as managers, or family heads or community leaders and such – we’re more benevolent than those kickin’-it-old-school kings and commissars, right?

Why then do we too often discover, after the fact, that we’ve taken action based on received information that’s distorted, inaccurate, and sketchy?

Why didn’t people level with us? The only way to get accurate information from people is to realize why they hesitate to give it, and act accordingly.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: It’s just like in those “days of old.” People fail to level with other people out of fear. Not like “off with her head” kind of fear but, nonetheless, fear ultimately connected to the psychology of survival.

If you’ve got any power, people are fearful.

Yes, of you pussycat. In all probability few TGIM readers have the fearful power to imprison or hurt people physically. We may even believe we’re perceived as gentle as a kitten.

But we all have power to wield. If you have “boss” status at work, at home or anywhere in the world at large, others recognize you might punish them in any of a thousand subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Maybe you could fire them.

Or pass them over for promotion.

Or ground them or withhold their allowance.

People certainly don’t want to lose their livelihood or be on anyone’s blacklist.

They don’t even want mild disapproval. They fear – and “fear” is an accurate assessment of the dread feeling they experience – even a sharp remark; even from someone held in high esteem.

Need more proof? Think about what you feel when you find yourself in an inferior position.

TGIM Takeaway: People want to please. (Don’t you?) So, even when they would really like you, and maybe even mean to level with you, they frame their answers in terms of --

“What does she (or he) want to hear?”

The two-part antidote to this truth-distorting situation:

First: Realize that the fear factor isn’t likely to go away.

Then: Skirt it gingerly.

To judge whether you are being properly informed by others, ask yourself a few questions:

• Do people stop talking or change the subject when you begin to speak?
• Do they give you information only when you ask for it?
• Are they reluctant to talk with you at all?
• Do people who must deal directly with you keep “lower-level” personnel away from you.

A “Yes” answer to any of these can be a sign that you’re getting something less than the whole truth.

Watch this: Sometimes individuals who recognize they aren’t getting the straight dope react by grasping for information in a way that makes matters worse. They may alienate their informants by cross-examining them. They may also create truth-twisting suspicion and conflict by inviting people to inform on one another.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Eliminate the fear factor. Or mitigate it.

Here are a handful of Get-To-The-Truth Tactics that help do that:

Truth Tactic #1: Make a point of talking with people informally – not just when you want to learn something, but as a matter of habit. Chat, exchange small talk, remove the barriers that say, “I’m the boss; you’d better watch what you say.”

Truth Tactic #2: Be accessible to people at all levels. Executives who talk only to the next lower level of management tend to isolate themselves in a bubble of unreality. Accessible execs gain the perspective of a wider range of views.

Case in point: In my ancient days in retailing I knew a VP of Operations who, virtually every morning, walked in through the basement receiving area and up through nine selling floors and support areas to his executive office, engaging with staff along the way. At lunchtime, if he was going out, he reversed the process; otherwise he routinely ate in the company cafeteria. And, at the end of most days, he walked down again through each floor a half hour before closing and was available at the bank of elevators until most everyone had gone home. Outcome: There was rarely an operational “surprise” in his years of service.

Truth Tactic #3: A useful way to skirt the fear of reprisal is to reward people no matter what they tell you, positive or negative. Don’t be one of those people who asks for comments or suggestions and then gets defensive. The people they engage soon learn to keep mum. Say, “Thanks for telling me that,” even if it’s the last thing in the world you want to hear.

In a similar line:

Truth Tactic #4: Be aware of how you sound when you ask for information. Through your wording, tone of voice, even gestures, you can unintentionally prejudice the answer.

And not just in a threatening, repressive way: If you ask with an expectant smile, “How do you like this idea?” you’ll probably come away thinking people love the idea when, perhaps, they are only trying to please.

A better way to gather information: Ask your question in terms of, “Which idea do you prefer, A , B or C?” striving to not indicate your preference.

Truth Tactic #5: When probing for information, realize that people are reluctant to be too negative. So you hear only the positive. They know from experience that even well-intentioned criticism can bring a backlash.

“It’s all good,” isn’t good. Be clear that you want to hear it all. When asking for comments, specify that you also want to be filled in on the minuses, especially if all you’re hearing are positives.

Case in point: A division president asked several people if they liked a recent reorganization. He got kudos all around. Then he asked if they noticed anything that “could be better.” He got many more candid and useful comments.

So level with me. Did this TGIM meet your expectations? Can you recommend ways you think it might have been made better? Have you insights to add?

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

I look forward to learning from you.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

Englewood, NJ 07631

201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S.  “The best test of truth is the power of thought to get itself accepted in the competition of the market.” Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935) said that in his 1919 decision in Abrams v. United States – which also immortalized the phrase “clear and present danger.”