Thank Goodness It's Monday #398

HOW TO PROVIDE CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

Straight talk – I hope that’s part of what most folks who work with me expect to get as part of the bargain.


"I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman,
your senior drill instructor.
From now on you will speak only when spoken to,
and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers
will be 'Sir'.
Do you maggots understand that?"

Actor R. Lee Ermey
giving "constructive feedback"
in the movie Full Metal Jacket.

Ermey is, in fact, a retired U.S. Marine and
an honorary Gunnery Sergeant.
During his tenure in the U.S. Marine Corps,
he served as a drill instructor. 
 

Because they’re going to get it.

It goes something like this:

 

• I’ve got experience and opinions, as you do.
• I gain insight and information when you share yours without holding back.
• And I can best serve our mutually beneficial purpose if I can act, and we can talk, in the same respectful-but-unencumbered way.

So it can be the classic “Win-Win” when we keep the feedback constructive.

The only trouble is, feedback can be mishandled and become –

 A double-edged sword. When it comes across as harsh, one-sided criticism, it can make others defensive. Rather than listening and learning, people will try to defend themselves or discount what they’re hearing -- with dire consequences.

So, jumping into defensive mode: I’ll confess right now that I can (often) be a bit too sarcastic or ironic in tone and manner … sound a bit acerbic and opinionated … come across as adamant and insistent, thereby defeating my own good intentions.

But, dammit, I’m usually right. (That’s a joke, folks. Really. Well, sort of.)

Of course I sometimes need to be reminded that my rightness ain’t always so and/or that I’ve been too blunt in stating my case. And in that spirit I’ve worked up some get-back-on-track guidelines for myself when I’ve gone astray. I’m going to share them here as today’s – 

TGIM ACTION IDEAS: Follow these guidelines for giving more effective and constructive critical feedback. And as part of the feedback process, consider sharing the guidelines with others so they can apply them in their interactions with others, including you.

Guideline #1: Double-check your attitude. Check (as in “assess”) your attitude, then check (as in, “rein in”) your response if you’re angry or upset. Make sure your motives are right. When you can’t be sure you’re objective, wait until you cool off, otherwise others will pick up the emotions and respond defensively.

Your move: Never use feedback as a way to assert superiority or get back at someone. At least in your own mind, forgive a mistake before you try to address it. 

Guideline #2: It’s all in the timing. Generally the sooner you give feedback the better. But choosing the absolutely right time is a bit of a judgment call.

Your move: Be considerate of the feelings of others. While you may want to react close to the incident, acting too soon – especially to a difficult event or glaring error – may have a negative impact. At best, a person who is upset won’t be attentive to what you have to share. So proceed with caution when the road looks rocky.

Guideline #3: Ask permission. Does it seem a bit odd that adults working together would need to ask permission to be critical? It shouldn’t. Your asking can certainly be disarming and spark some curiosity. (And, in fact, it’s quite an effective power play on your part.)

Your move: Simply ask, “Are you open to some feedback on this?” By asking you let others determine when they’re ready, willing and able to receive constructive input – “able” being the most important piece of the equation.  When they say the “ready, willing and able” time has come, they’ve committed themselves to being receptive to what you have to say.

Guideline #4: Establish the common ground first. For a more effective exchange of feedback, establish or reestablish this is as a Win-Win state of affairs. Focus on shared values that relate to the situation. Make clear how you see the other party will benefit.

Your move: Begin on a positive note. Start with a sincerely affirmative statement of a particular strength that relates to the feedback you intend to give. As long as it’s not B.S., affirmation not only encourages the other person, it confirms your perceptive nature and adds weight to your observations.

Example: “Karen, I can’t help but notice how you always maintain such a professional demeanor. May I share something that may help you become even more effective?”

Guideline #5: Be specific. Don’t slip into saying things like, “You need to work faster” or “Can’t you get the work done on time?” This kind of feedback doesn’t tell the person what specific behavior needs changing and it doesn’t point to a path to improvement.

Your move: Be direct with your feedback, not too general or vague. Get to the point; avoid giving hints. Link your comments to a specific incident to illustrate your concern. Focus on what to do rather than what not to do.

Guideline #6: Offer suggestions. Good feedback not only informs, it instructs. Don’t just point out what needs to be done differently; offer ideas and suggestions on how to improve.

Your move: Go the extra mile. Don’t just lecture. Ask if you can help. Provide guidance while also allowing that yours is not necessarily the carved-in-stone “only way.”

Guideline #7: End on the upbeat. Do not belabor the point or carry on too long. Say your piece … listen objectively to what the other party has to say … then get back to your routine.

Your move: Keep control of the end.  Communicate your concern and belief that the other person can and will triumph. Turn your closing comments into a challenge for the future.

So in that spirit, we’ll not belabor the subject matter and will end with this observation and -- 

TGIM Challenge:  Most people want to know how they’re doing and will, eventually, appreciate an effort made on their behalf. 

Remember: Failure to provide feedback is actually a kind of feedback – THE WORST KIND! It can lead people to conclude that what they’re doing isn’t consequential and important or that everything is OK when it’s not.

So have at it. Feel free to provide feedback, on this or any other topic we’ve touched on in TGIM. We’d love to make this an even more mutually beneficial Win-Win exchange.

(Just play by the rules, please.)

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com

P.S. “How’m I doin’?” Is there any more of a feedback-ready approach to life than the practically trademark greeting of three-term New York City mayor Ed Koch (1924 – 2013)? 

Perhaps best of all: His query wasn’t strictly a political ploy. It was understood as his truly interested request for feedback on his leadership as mayor. And in terms of that feedback he also quipped, “I'm the sort of person who will never get ulcers. Why? Because I say exactly what I think. I'm the sort of person who might give other people ulcers.”