Thank Goodness It's Monday #435

WHAT DO YOU SAY

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG?

The Parker Brothers game "Sorry!" as I remember it from my kidhood.

 

“I’m sorry,” right?

 

►   Isn’t that what your gut instinct suggests is the correct response?

►   Isn’t a contrite “I’m sorry” the reaction adults expected from the moment you were deemed old enough to know right from wrong and the responsible thing to do if things went wrong?

►   Can’t you still picture your second grade classroom and scowling old Miss Potter waiting insistently to hear you say those magic words?

Darn right. (Especially the Miss Potter thing. But that’s for another time and place.)

 

Guess what. I’m sorry to tell you but it’s likely the “I’m sorry” is --

The Wrong Response

 

We’re all adults here. So let’s allow that the underlying idea of being sympathetic and contrite in acknowledging and moving forward to correct an error is a childhood lesson worth conveying.

But it’s probably the wrong response for one adult to give another under most everyday circumstances where something may have gone awry. 

Here’s why:

“I’m sorry” is all about you, isn’t it? It expresses your feelings; your state of being. And that’s weak on two levels.

 

1. Because it’s you-centric – I’m the one suffering and most sorry here -- it’s first and foremost not about the guy or gal on the receiving end of your mea culpa.

2. “Sorry” is a loaded word, packed with a sense of feeling distress and being in a pitiable condition. So it has the potential to misinform your inner you. Express it enough and you chance becoming it.

 

It’s also often the precursor to the slippery slope of lame and blame. “I’m sorry, BUT …. whimper, snivel, sniff.”

Adults don’t need that. Making lame excuses is self-serving. Making lame excuses by assigning blame elsewhere compounds your guilt and in no way excuses or even begins to rectify the error.

So how do you respond when things go awry?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: If the apology-worthy thing that’s gone wrong is your doing, people want to know what you’re going to do about it. So tell them just that in a way that lets them know you sincerely intend to do all you can to make things right for them.

 

When you feel an “I’m sorry” pronouncement bubbling up, put this –

 

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Say “Thank you.” Declare your understanding and sympathy. Apologize. Take personal responsibility for following up. Share a plan of remedial action. Execute that plan, memorably.

 

Big bonus: Do this right and you may actually come out on the other side of “something gone wrong” with an even stronger bond or relationship than you might have had without a misstep.

 

So here’s just a bit more detail on the actionable components:

 

►Say “Thank you.” This immediately puts things in a positive light. Assuming the injured party is all cranked up and ready to have at you for some screw up, it’s quite disarming to hear, “Thank you for telling me …” Thank you for bringing this to my attention …” Thank you for coming forward …”

►Declare your understanding and sympathy. “That’s really awful … deplorable … unacceptable ….”  Expressed with sincere understanding this lets the victim of a wrong know you care about them personally. 

►Apologize. But not with a wimpy “Sorry …” Man up and let the victim know you relate. Say the comfortable-for-you equivalent of “That makes me mad, too.”

 

►Take personal responsibility for following up. “I’m going to personally see that your situation is resolved …”

►Share a plan of remedial action. “… resolved by doing X, Y and Z.” State this action plan in terms of the wronged party, not in terms of you or your operation.

 

►Execute that plan, memorably. The note you end up on is the note the offended party will have ringing in their ears in the future.  ASAP make things right – plus some. Involve others on your team in the response to make clear you’re not taking things lightly or dealing in isolation. Follow up on the follow-up. Confirm the remedial actions personally and touch base again even after you’ve been assured all has been made right.

 

TGIM Takeaway: When you’re able to flip your thinking and address a situation gone wrong in terms of the victim -- not your situation, your excuse or what you felt happened – you may end up with a positive recovery that yields a bond and benefits that extend well into both your futures.

 

And if this TGIM was NOT particularly useful for you –

 

Thanks for reading this far anyway. I hope you didn’t find it a complete waste of time. I know how infuriating some of that kind of information can be. Let me know if there’s subject matter you’d rather be hearing about I will do my best to share some personal experience or find other resources that might be beneficial for you. Until then, I look forward to reaching out to you again next Monday – or sooner.

 

See. The steps make sense.

And not being sorry can work out just fine.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com  

P.S. Speaking of righting wrongs in the business world, our friend, Sales Mastermind and customer care guru Jeffrey Gitomer suggests this –

Reality Check: Business studies show that it takes 12 positive occurrences to overcome one negative experience. (Men know this – it’s why roses come in dozens.)