Thank Goodness It's Monday #306

MEMORIAL DAY LESSONS

So how’s your long weekend been so far?

• Celebrating the “official” start of summer?
• On the road to the beach, mountains, lakeside, park getaway and taking note of higher gas prices?
• Doing your part to stimulate the economy shopping the spectacular (they say) sales?
• Firing up the backyard grill and still trying to get the pool water clear and pH balanced?
• Thinking about catching some summer blockbuster at the multiplex?
• Just veggin’ out ‘til Tuesday?

Well why are you at your computer reading this? (Just kidding -- sort of.) 

I hope you really make the most of this Memorial Day.  

But while you do: I also hope you’ll take some time – alone or with friends and family – to contemplate: 

The meaning of Memorial Day. The profusion of local parades and municipal celebrations that some of us can recall seems greatly diminished these days. Although hundreds of thousands of men and women, in the service of the nation, are actively engaged and in danger in many corners of the world, it seems the original basis for commemorating Memorial Day slips further from our minds and activities. 

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Take a moment today to get back to the core of Memorial Day. To get the dialogue started, here’s some background and two Takeaways to consider: 

Here’s the background: Waterloo, New York claims it started the first formal Memorial Day practice of decorating soldiers’ graves in 1866. A pharmacist there, Henry C. Welles, suggested to a veterans’ organization that the graves of Civil War dead be decorated. 

Boalsburg, Pennsylvania claims it was doing something similar earlier.  

Either way, in the following years, other cities, states and organizations initiated similar events on a variety of dates. Often, in the states that made up the Confederacy, significant Southern victories or personalities were memorialized. 

After WWI the American Legion took on the task of trying to unify these “decoration day” commemorations on one day. It gave the patriotic observances the “official” name Memorial Day and expanded the concept to honor all American service people from all wars and conflicts.

Miss Matt Moreton,
Mrs J.T. Fontaine,
Mrs. Green T. Hill and
Mrs. Augusta Murdock Sykes
are credited with beginning
Decoration Day
in Columbus, Mississippi.

For our purposes this Memorial Day, let’s go back to the origins for a moment to find lessons worth learning.

Some historians think that both Waterloo, NY and Boalsburg, PA got the idea from a newspaper article in Horace Greeley's New York Tribune featuring women from Columbus, Mississippi who spread flowers on the graves of BOTH Confederate AND Union soldiers as an act of friendship and understanding between North and South at the end of the Civil War.

The story of the unprejudiced acts of these women led to widespread interest in impartial commemorations in memory of the dead. It is seen as a "healing touch for the nation."

We like this version of the day’s origin for two reasons:

#1: It recognizes that, no matter who is victorious or whose cause is “right,” the ultimate sacrifice made in pursuit of sincerely held beliefs is no less painful for the living of either side.

TGIM Takeaway: One of the most effective ways to begin to reach reconciliation and consensus is to find the places conflicting groups hold in common. This principle works at all levels of life, from negotiations with your kids to resolving global conflicts.

#2: One small idea, quietly initiated by a handful of presumably modest individuals, gave rise to a National Holiday.  

TGIM Takeaway: Think of it as another example of The Law of Slight Edge in action –  

Small changes, over time, make a big difference. 

I hope this Memorial Day provides you with a moment to reflect on the ideas of contribution and sacrifice as well as effective ways we all can contribute to making a Best Year Ever for ourselves and our world.

Go Forward! 

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631

201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com    

P.S. The post-Civil War-era poem The Blue And The Gray by Francis Miles Finch (1827-1907) is said to be inspired by reports of the actions by the ladies from Columbus. Here’s the last stanza:

No more shall the war cry sever,
Or the winding rivers be red;
They banish our anger forever
When they laurel the graves of our dead!
Under the sod and the dew,
Waiting the judgment-day,
Love and tears for the Blue,
Tears and love for the Gray.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #294

THE LESSON OF CINCINNATUS

The mental connection really clicked on Presidents Day.

As you may recall (or see TGIM #292 below), we wondered here about who we were honoring -- Washington or Lincoln or, perhaps a lesser known President, say, our 14^th, Franklin Pierce. I suggested that perhaps commemorating Presidents Day was more about the office than the individual.

And in getting to that point I mentioned George Washington declining the designation –

King of America. Now the interesting thing is that from the get-go “His Excellency” General Washington never even intended to take a post-war “governmental” role in the new republic. He agreed to lead the colonial forces in rebellion and, obviously, was ultimately successful in that regard. But he then anticipated his return to Mt. Vernon to continue his life as a “farmer.”

Just like Cincinnatus.

Who?

Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus (519 BC – 438 BC) was an aristocrat and political figure of the Roman Republic, serving as consul in 460 BC and Roman dictator in 458 BC and 439 BC.

Fire up the way-back machine. Put yourself in a colonial frame of mind and let’s consider what guided the thinking of the Founding Fathers, Washington among them.

Most were well-heeled and well-educated, with considerable libraries and many with a mastery of Greek, Latin and Hebrew as well as contemporary foreign language skills. So, in addition to the idealized version of Greek and Roman governance that they advocated, they knew their history, particularly that promulgated by the Roman historian Livy.

The Cincinnatus story. In a nutshell it goes like this:

He came.

He saw.

He conquered.

Then he went home.

A bit more detail: Cincinnatus left his farm to accept a term as Roman Consul and then served as Magister Populi assuming a quasi-lawful dictatorial control of Rome to meet a war emergency. He led Roman troops to victory. And when he succeeded, he returned power to the Roman Senate and went back to plowing his fields.

Just like Washington intended.  After the British packed out in 1783, and GW was satisfied the (small “u”) united states no longer required him to lead an army, he headed home to Mt. Vernon. On the way, at several stops beginning in New York, he delivered “farewell” addresses making his Cincinnatus- like intentions clear.

He was shortly convinced to do otherwise, as we know, and assumed the presidency. But even then his Cincinnatus-guided resolve to serve two terms then get out served the fledgling democracy well.

TGIM Takeaway: Cincinnatus abandoning his farming to serve Rome, and especially his immediate resignation of his absolute authority with the end of the crisis, is often cited as an example of outstanding leadership, service to the greater good, civic virtue, and modesty.

In the bright February/March 2011 light of digitally fueled “democratic” popular uprisings around the globe, it’s stimulating to think this history lesson has not been applied in many situations. The long, long list of perhaps once right-minded individuals who overstayed their welcome and became tyrannical is, unfortunately, staggering.

How many of the current “dictators” now being challenged might have gone down in history as “the George Washington” of their nation had they only followed the lesson of Cincinnatus?

On the other side of the coin: Nobel Peace Prizes have gone to Nelson Mandela and Lech Walesa, some modern day adherents to somewhat Cincinnatian principles with legacies to be proud of.

So we must ask: Will today’s digital revolutionaries and the leaders they eventually install have George Washington’s inclination and resolve to serve then move on?

And how about you? In your business, civic and/or private life have you evaluated your ongoing leadership role lately? Have once-democratic ideals and behavior become a bit dictatorial? Have you overstayed your welcome; been “in office” too long?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Think like Cincinnatus. Behave like Washington.

Can we “mere mortals” be so heroic? Don Higginbotham, a leading scholar of Washington and expert on colonial and revolutionary America and the early national United States who served twice as visiting professor of history at the United States Military Academy suggests we can. He noted:

Washington had no smashing, stunning victories. He was not a military genius, and his tactical and strategic maneuvers were not the sort that awed men. Military glory was not the source of his reputation.

Something else was involved.

Washington's genius, his greatness, lay in his character. He became a great man and was acclaimed as a classical hero because of the way he conducted himself during times of temptation. It was his moral character that set him off from other men. Washington seemed to possess self-cultivated nobility. This virtue was not given to him by nature. He had to work for it, to cultivate it, and everyone sensed that.

Washington was a self-made hero. Guided by the lessons of his life and his understanding of the story of Cincinnatus, perhaps we can successfully follow their example.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Consider relinquishing power to both secure your legacy and advance your cause. Act nobly when others least expect it. Tackle the task at hand without regard for what may be gained individually.

It’s not about lack of ambition.

It’s about leadership. It’s about being a caretaker of an idea or principle and seeing it through until it’s the best you can make it, then stepping aside to let others advance the cause.

Work for it. Cultivate it. Then enjoy the laurels.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S.  “If he does that, he will be the greatest man in the world.” King George III of the England has been reported to have said that upon hearing from painter Benjamin West of Washington's impending retirement as Commander in Chief of the Continental Army.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #362

UNLEASH THE POWER OF ENTHUSIASM

AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE 

Norman Vincent Peale -- is there a student of self improvement who doesn’t know that name?  (If you don’t know him, you better find out.)

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
(1898 - 1993)

His contributions to the canon are rooted in the idea of “Positive Thinking” – a concept and practice he developed, championed and seriously popularized in the post World War II era of the early 1950s. 

And today? He’s still relevant. Although his vocabulary and examples may sound a bit pre-Mad-Men dated, his ideas still work like gangbusters in the 21^st Century. 

Just one example: There’s widespread acknowledgement that the currently popular book and DVD The Secret is grounded in principles Peale espoused. 

Peale’s “job” for 50+ years was pastor of Marble Collegiate Church in Manhattan. 

And more. Much more. As a prolific writer and savvy business man he, with his wife Ruth Stafford Peale, extended his influence in many directions and nurtured friendships with such prominent business giants of his day as James Cash Penney, founder of J.C. Penney & Co., Thomas J. Watson, founder of IBM, Frank Gannett, founder of the newspaper chain, Branch Rickey, General Manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers and Richard Prentice-Ettinger, co-founder of the publishing giant Prentice-Hall, Inc.

And me. Sort of. 

My first “real job” in publishing was at P-H, the publisher of Peale’s books in their heyday. And one of my first non-trainee assignments centered on the creation and promotion of a high-dollar-value “Executive” edition of one of the seminal Peale works, Enthusiasm Makes The Difference. 

I unearthed my copyright 1968 Executive Edition ($25 plus postage and handling; not a small price back in the day) recently and am inspired enough by its reappearance in my life to share with you some penciled-on-yellow-legal-pad notes I had squirreled away there many decades ago. 

TGIM TAKEAWAY: These are my notes and thoughts, not necessarily NVP’s. They are a bit rough because they are simply notes. I’ll edit them a little for clarity and to align with TGIM style, but not too much. I hope you find them worth reviewing. 

Enthusiasm has many faces. 

Your degree of enthusiasm indicates your degree of liking for people, as well as the degree of liking of people for you.

Enthusiasm is deliberately manufactured until the time it becomes an integral part of your personality. It’s a stepped-up performance, designed not only to give you a lift but to compellingly and exhilaratingly step up the enthusiasm of everyone else.

So think Enthusiasm!  It shows! 

Use the following steps to generate enthusiasm:

·         Have a desire to do things. The world is filled with wonderful things and wonderful people. They are as bright or as cheery as you see them. Find a happy side to every event. See the bright and cheerful. Leave no room in your life for the dull and the gray.

·         Turn enthusiasm on even when you don’t feel like it. One of the amazing factors about enthusiasm is that, once you turn it on, it grows.  

·         Try “pretending” if you doubt. Pretend you’re happy about some occasion or event. Build it up. Show interest. Get going; quit stalling. Play it up to see how effective it is.

·         Have many interests. See the bright side of each. Get new interests. Make each new thing you do a challenge. Let the challenge be a catalyst that fires up your desire to achieve.  Feed this challenge with interest and watch enthusiasm take you to the bubbling point.

·         Widen your horizons. “New” is good for you. Find new studies, new travel, new faces and new friends to spread the extent of your personal verve. Return to your work inspired.

·         Do what you enjoy doing. Enthusiasm is blunted by dull associates and dull occupations if you see them as such. Enthusiasm is stepped up, however, when you have a change of pace. Renew the batteries of the charm by disassociating yourself with the routine and the dull.

·         Color everything you do or say. Consciously ignite your smile, your hello, your eyes, and invest your words with the drama of the technicolor approach. Create colorful descriptive imagery. Choose your words. To all words, add actions. Accompany a warm smile with an even warmer hand clasp. Make conversations sparkle, even when you are not feeling at your best. 

·         Know what you are and saying or doing. Be sure to have all the facts before you comment. Research the things that are important to you. The more you know about any particular subject – the more you are informed -- the more informative you can be. The more you can support your ideas, the more fascinating your opinion becomes. To develop the depth of your enthusiasm, know what you’re saying and doing at all times.

·         Spread praise lavishly.  People hunger for praise, so give it freely. Remember that praise is power and empowering. Indicate your appreciation. Be warm. Be kind. Be sincere. Spread compliments in all directions. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, make someone feel your enthusiasm through praise.

·         Look for good things in and about people.  Don’t stop at simply forming first impressions. These are often inadequate and – with justification – drain enthusiasm. Walk away from idle gossip.  Refuse to listen to negative talk about people with whom you have contact. Instead, deliberately turn the conversation to the person’s good points or to another subject altogether.

·         Find interests in common with others. Deftly and delicately probe those around you to determine the area of their interests. For another person to find something in common with you is for them to find you an interesting person. Between you is rapport in a common bond called enthusiasm.

·         Offer encouragement. Nothing makes others see you as an enthusiastic person better than your ability to encourage them. Listen to people. Aid them in their problems. Make them feel better because of your presence, your interest, and your encouragement.

·         Render personalized attention. In the enthusiastic approach there is nothing better than personalized attention. This attention must be defined. It must be a planned program of action. Talk and do in terms the other person understands. Give pleasure.  Organize your attention to please a client, a spouse, a patient, or an army. Do what you would do specifically for them.  Make them feel pleasure.  Make them know you care.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Enthusiasm Makes The Difference.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Sharing is caring. I hope I’ve done that enthusiastically. Now you go make a difference and do the same.

Geoff Steck   
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com

Thank Goodness It's Monday #303

CLOSE EARLY …

CLOSE OFTEN …

CLOSE LATE

“What separates an order taker from a consummate sales professional?

Closing Power! No matter what sales methodology you may be a fan of … no matter how consultative and value-added your process … no matter how complex or low key the product or service you’re offering, as the legendary Yogi Berra intoned –



from Yogi's 1948 Rookie Card



“It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” A sale’s not “made” until you’ve locked up the buyer’s commitment. In other words, no matter how “consultative” the process you employ, the job of a sales professional (and, as we know, everyone sells), isn’t over until the prospect says so.

And since most folks are naturally reluctant to finalize that commitment, it’s the task of the person on the selling side of the equation to get the job done.

Trouble is, many even quite successful sales pros tend to hang tough and postpone the “close” until they believe they’ve detected the one and only psychologically right moment when the buyer is ready to buy.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Sell yourself, and sell any sellers you can influence, on the idea that every presentation has not just one or two but many closing opportunities.

Consistently high producers know there are actually dozens of Close Early … Close Often … Close Late opportunities and the professional who acts on each is the one who will come away with the most business most efficiently.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Here’s a roundup of just a few times when a trial close can and should be attempted. Compare them to similar moments in your sales process. Share and discuss them with others and lay out your own best practices.

►Close Early! You’re just settling down to begin your presentation and are laying out your sales materials when the prospect picks up the spec sheet for the line your pre-call research suggested suits his needs.

Stop right then and start closing. You’ve just be flashed a buying signal. Obviously your counterpart has done preliminary digging as well. For whatever reason, he’s beyond where you expect him to be. You’re seeing indications of readiness to buy. Go immediately to the details you would ordinarily have postponed to the end of any presentation. Close now!

►Close Often! Oops, it seems that the spec sheet reader is not quite convinced. So it’s back to the presentation of product benefits. You go on. And a few minutes later the prospect asks, “How fast are your deliveries?”

Stop right then and start closing. The prospect has just announced he can use your product. Don’t waste any more time gilding the lily (and endangering the sale by saying something that can undo your success). Close the sale, now!

“Well,” says the waffling prospect, “we’ve bought from the same source for the last five years. I see no reason to change.”

Great news: This classic comeback is no surprise for the prepared sales professional. You whip out the testimonials from other satisfied buyers who have switched, hand them over and –

Stop right then and start closing. “These other long-established accounts found it profitable to adopt our product,” goes the counter. Then the close: “Would you like to start with a month’s supply or take advantage of the discount for a bulk order.” (Maybe not that overt, but you get the idea.) Don’t kill the sale with too much extraneous talk. Trust your testimonials to be convincing and close, now!

Important reminder: Every objection is a natural bridge to a trial close. Overcome the objection and go for it. The worst that will happen is that the prospect will put up another objection that then can be dealt with.

►Close Late! You have to keep moving the prospect. Few prospects are ready to tumble right at the start. But most are inclined to decide in your favor; otherwise they wouldn’t have seen you in the first place.

TGIM Takeaway: It’s up to you to keep the ball in play. Close, and if you don’t lock up the business then and there, go back to the drill and keeping selling … consulting … providing value and information. Sooner or later the prospect will say or do something else that gives you the opportunity to move in again and make the sale.

Q: Have I sold you on the idea of Close Early … Close Often … Close Late? I hope so, because as Yogi also said –

“If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.”

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S.  “Dispatch is the soul of business and nothing contributes more to dispatch than method. Lay down a method and stick to it inviolately, as far as unexpected incidents may allow.” Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773) advised that in a letter to his son on February 5, 1750.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #324

8 PROVEN-IN-ACTION WAYS

TO DEFUSE CONFLICT

All too often people who interact frequently are at odds with one another; particularly in today’s economically pressured workplace.

Out of the frying pan: People behaving badly inevitably make matters worse, hamper the productivity of the group and can affect the well-being of everyone concerned.

Into the fire: It just takes two folks battling to create workplace-wide tension, cause bottle necks in workflow, stop projects and profits dead in their tracks.

But is it your responsibility to bring warring parties together, help them sort out their differences and create a harmonious atmosphere?

As a diligent TGIM reader you probably suspect it is.

And, if you’ve got the tools to do the job, maybe it is.

So let’s see if we can give you some of those tools.

The critical first steps: How do you determine if The Situation (No Governor Christie, not the Jersey Shore character, although …) is serious enough to warrant your intervention?

Here are some guidelines:

► Are the people involved constantly overreacting? Is their behavior disproportionate to the severity of the situation?

Case In point: If two people are having a screaming match about a document – say, a new product spec sheet -- it probably signals that the conflict goes much deeper than a disagreement about quality of printing or the graphic design.

► Have issues become inextricably entangled with the personalities involved?

Case In point: Sometimes a person will reject a proposal or refuse to back a project just to defy the person who proposed it, regardless of its merit or lack thereof.

► Is everyone hearing the same thing?

Case In point: Often when people are at odds they misconstrue everything the other says, invariably assuming the worst. Do you get two completely different stories when you talk to each person alone? That’s indicative of a communication problem. The question then becomes “How bad a problem?” Communication may be blocked by misconceptions or, at the extreme, may be nonexistent.

In situations such as these it might be beneficial to intercede and mediate between feuding parties.

Here are 8 proven-in-action steps for defusing conflict. You may fill in your own best practices at any step along the way:

1: Get to Switzerland. Get those involved to hash out the problem in neutral territory. Meet in a conference room, maybe your office, maybe off premises – but not in either party’s “territory.”

2: Come together. If possible, seat opposing parties close to each other. In most cases it’s harder to stay hostile when the opposition is close. Choose a seating arrangement that invites discussion, for example, at a round table or in a circle or semi-circle so no on appears to be in charge. Sit with them, not behind a desk or at the head of the table or such.

3: Become “Swiss.” Act as intermediary. Leave your own biases at the door. Don’t appear to take sides during the meeting even if you favor a particular point of view. Remain cool and calm, even if the discussion gets heated.

4: Get the facts. If the situation involves documents or evidence, make sure everyone knows the need to provide them in advance and put copies in hands of each opponent in advance. Listen to each side in turn. Don’t let either party interrupt the other. Record your impressions.

5: Help clarify misunderstandings. “Bob, you thought that your Marketing Department takes the lead here, is that correct? “And Sue, you believed that it was the responsibility of Sales?”

6: Act as a conciliator. Help both parties see and reach an amicable solution. “Bob, what if the next time you receive a spec list from Engineering, you schedule a three-Department sit-down including Sales to establish a priority order of the features and benefits for the promo material?” “Who do you think would best represent Sales in that meeting, Sue; you or a particular rep who you’d designate?”

7: Let them hash it out. If the solution is not immediately apparent, ask both parties to reach a middle ground themselves. Set a deadline. “We’ll meet again on Wednesday. Please come prepared with ways this issue can be resolved.”

8: Pull rank only if necessary. Be willing to arbitrate and stand firm by your judgment. If the parties can’t come up with their own solution, devise one of your own (get higher-up permission if necessary). At what seems the final impasse, announce your intent, but not your solution. “Since neither of you can see how to proceed, I’ll settle it. And I’ll expect you to abide by my decision. So before I do, please make one more try.”

TGIM ACTION STEPS ROUNDUP: If these steps and opportunities don’t get people in conflict to pull together, plan how you will enforce your #8 settlement, impose it and back up your words with action.

That’s what I’m doing now. I promised 8 guidelines at the start. And I suggested that you had the opportunity to add your own best practices. So go use them.

Now I’m backing up my words with action and ending this TGIM.

And I don’t expect to hear any grousing about it.  

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”  William James (1842-1910) Psychologist and pragmatic leader of the philosophical movement of Pragmatism said that.      

Thank Goodness It's Monday #326

WHAT’S BETTER THAN THE GOLDEN RULE?

You know “The Golden Rule.” It was the most-received response to last week’s TGIM #325 call for additional Universal Rules worth sharing.

It figures, actually. Scores of influential sources recount the universality of this basic precept of widely held religious and spiritual thinking.

Norman Rockwell created this illustration
which, in 1985,
was rendered as a mosaic
and presented to the United Nations
to celebrate its 40th anniversary.

The most commonly cited versions are rooted in the King James Version of “New Testament” Christianity:

Matthew 7:12 – “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”

Luke 6:31– “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”

And, in one of those serendipitous moments that make you go “Wow!,” my current bedside reading talks about the so-called Gnostic Gospels -- the cache of sometimes alternative texts from the beginning of the Christian era unearthed in an archeological dig in Egypt in 1945.

There a writing known as the Didache (Greek for “teaching”) written in Syria about ten years before Matthew and Luke opens with a negative version of the so-called Golden Rule:

“The Way of Life is this: First you shall love the God who made you, and your neighbor as yourself; and whatever you do not want to have done to you, do not do to another.”

The other dominant Abrahamic religions stress comparable reasoning in a number of places, most similarly perhaps in:

Leviticus 19:34 – “The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself…” for the Jewish faith –

And for Islamists, in the Qur’an at various places, stating the positive form of the rule in:

Surah 24 v. 22 -- “...and you should forgive. And overlook: Do you not like God to forgive you? And Allah is The Merciful Forgiving.”

The Golden Rule from A to Z: Almost all A-for-Ancient cultures – Babylonian, Egyptian, Greek, and Chinese -- have addressed The Golden Rule’s idea of ethical reciprocity. (Wikipedia details many, many variants from a wide range of traditions here.)

And, apparently, the Z-for-Zoroastrianism, translated-from-Pahlavi comparative text is Dadistan-I-dinik 94:5 -- “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.”

So, harkening back to today’s headline, it takes a bit of brass (yes, metal pun) to challenge all this wisdom and suggest that, perhaps –

The Golden Rule is flawed. Not fatally, mind you. And certainly not at all if it’s interpreted in the broadest, most generous way, as I expect most TGIM readers are inclined to do.

But here’s the “catch” as the Golden Rule stands: As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, the tastes of those who receive our Golden Rule treatment may not be the same as ours.

So to press our desires (“as ye would that men should do to you”) on them might not be well received at all.

Easy-to-grasp example: We might want other people to ignore our race or nationality when deciding how to act towards us, but would also want them to not ignore our differing preferences in food, musical tastes, desire for closeness, and so on.

TGIM Takeaway: Trying to live according to the Golden Rule means working proactively at empathizing with other people, including those who may be very different from us.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Empathy is at the root of kindness, compassion, understanding and respect – qualities that we all appreciate being shown, whoever we are, whatever we think and wherever we come from.

So the burden to “figure out” what to do and how to do it is on those who promulgate the Golden Rule. And because it isn’t possible to know what it really feels like to be a different person or live in different circumstances and have different life experiences, it’s difficult for most of us to imagine what would cause us suffering and to try to avoid causing suffering to others.

For this reason some people may find the Golden Rule’s corollary (sometimes called The Silver Rule) – “do not treat people in a way you would not wish to be treated yourself” – more pragmatic and easier to put into action.

Or --

With such an important precept, perhaps it’s best to clearly state, in a positive way, the most generous understanding of The Golden Rule’s elements of pragmatic empathy, kindness, reciprocity and acceptance of an “other” point of view from the get go.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Some people call this “improved” version of The Golden Rule –

The Platinum Rule

Do unto others,

wherever reasonable,

as they want to be done by.

Hmmm? Once again we run up against the barrier of knowing just precisely how “they” who differ seriously from us “want to be done by.”

How do you know how others want to be treated?

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: The obvious way is to ask them.

While this may not be easily done if they’re candidates for Platinum Rule treatment, it’s still worth trying. Even if you can’t get an actionable answer, that process presents the best possible way to open a dialogue and allows you to establish your good intentions.

So has this TGIM message “done right” by you?

In the non-sectarian, not-very-scholarly world of TGIM, let’s deem whatever “rule” we endorse –

A consistency principle. It doesn't mean to give all the answers. It doesn’t claim to be an infallible guide to which actions are right or wrong. It only recommends a path to coherence and consistency; that we not have our actions toward others be out of harmony with our desires -- or theirs.

And there’s not much that’s better than that.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com

P.S. Just one more point: Whether Platinum … or Gold … or Silver, the “Rule” doesn't replace regular moral norms. If, for example, you don’t believe in killing, no rule or even desire on the part of the person on the other side of your dilemma compels you to violate that conviction.

P.P.S. “Even as wisdom often comes from the mouths of babes, so does it often come from the mouths of old people. The golden rule is to test everything in the light of reason and experience, no matter from where it comes.” Mahatma (the honorific means “Great Soul”) – Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948) said that.

THANK GOODNESS IT’S MONDAY #286 How do you define friends?

TGIM #286

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS, MY FRIENDS

Has the idea of friends changed dramatically in the great social media frenzy currently underway?

Of course it has. Here’s a quick roundup of some classic “friend” definitions:

• Person you know well and regard with affection and trust. "He’s been my best friend since grammar school."
• Ally: An associate who provides cooperation or assistance. "She's a good ally to have on your side when things get rough."
• Acquaintance:  A person with whom you are familiar. "At my age I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances.”
• Supporter: A person who backs a politician or a team etc. "All the Giants’ supporters are very disappointed this year.”
• A member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox. (They never called themselves Quakers)

But do any/all your digital “friends” measure up to these parameters?

If you subscribe, as I do, to the business-wise concept that “It’s not so much who you know, but who knows you!” the imperative to “friend” folks in the available social media channels is of the essence.

Never before have we had such an accessible, minimal-cost conduit to share our thinking on virtually any topic with, well, just about the Whole Wide World. (Isn’t that what www.whatever stands for?).

And there are plenty of good reasons to do that; reasons that approach the kind of involvement we’d seek with the more limited circle of people we’d call friends in the pre-digitally-connected age.

That’s what these blog posts and TGIMs are about. I mean to share what I consider worthwhile thinking with friendly folks who find it worthwhile or who are willing to consider it and, if they disagree or have another view, are willing to air it out in a civil and objective way.

But we can’t all do that, can we? Can you be a friend to the whole world? Can 6,891,835,670+ human beings worldwide be “friends” with each other?

It’s doubtful. But –

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take the opportunity or make the effort.

Since Facebook alone connects 500 million of those nearly 7 billion folks out there (making it the equivalent of the third biggest country), as the lyrics, made popular by Bette Midler and Shrek declare, “You gotta have friends,” that’s for sure.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Set standards for your “friending.”  Seek to include those who would be part of your circle and whose circle you wish to be part of. Don’t exclude out of hand those who don’t currently qualify as friends by the classic definitions.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Apply some guidance that’s proven itself over the ages. An 11^th Century Persian prince named Kai Ka’us ibn Iskandar wrote a guidebook called A Mirror for Princes to instruct his young son in deportment.

Here, in a selection from a translation by scholar Reuben Levy, he advises his son in the art of making and keeping friends:

He who never spares a thought for friends never has them. Form the habit, therefore, of making friends with all manner of persons; many of man’s faults are hidden from his friends, although his virtues are revealed to them.

When you find new friends, never turn back on old ones and so you will always possess a host of them; and there is a saying that a good friend is a rich treasure.

Give a thought also to the people who are advancing with you but are only quasi-friends, to whom you should make yourself well-disposed and affable, agreeing with them in all matters good and bad and showing yourself to be favorably inclined towards them. In that manner, experiencing nothing but civility from you, they become wholeheartedly your friends.

When Alexander (the Great) was asked by virtue of what it was that he had been able to acquire so great an empire in so short a space of time, he replied, “By winning over enemies by kindliness and gathering friends about me by solicitude for them.”

TGIM Takeaway: Ralph Waldo Emerson summed it up nicely: “The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be a friend.” And his friend Henry David Thoreau echoed the sentiment: “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.”

If in 1837 or thereabouts there had been a high speed connection between Walden Pond and downtown Concord, I guess they would have “friended up” in a 21^st Century way as well. Imagine what that exchange would have been like.

You can friend me up anytime, my friend.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing
8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com   

GEOFF STECK leads Alexander Publishing & Marketing, a company he formed in 1986. The core AP&M mission: To create and publish leadership, sales mastery, self-improvement and workplace skill-building resources and tools. The focus: Areas such as business communication, staff support, customer care and frontline management. Geoff also puts his corporate and entrepreneurial experience, independent perspective, and skills as a catalyst to work for other firms (ranging from multinational corporations to more modest operations), not-for-profits, and individuals who have conceived or developed programs or initiatives but are frustrated in getting them implemented.