EXCUSE ME …
I HATE TO INTERRUPT …
BUT COULD YOU PLEASE READ
THIS MODEST ITEM
THIS MODEST ITEM
ABOUT ASSERTIVENESS?
Timidity – like that expressed in the headline – is a trait surprisingly common even among individuals who seem decisive and sure of themselves.
Many community leaders and workplace managers – even the most accomplished – display tentative, apprehensive behavior from time to time. And as a result their ability to lead, and the effectiveness of the people they hope to lead, suffers in some form or degree.
I was reminded of that the other day when, hot on the heels of “Fashion Week” in New York City, I heard a story that went like this:
The head of the dress division of a well-known fashion house had trouble sticking to decisions. But as production and promotion deadlines drew near, he decided to increase the prices of the firm’s spring line. His associates, well acquainted with his vacillation, asked him if that was his final decision.
“Of course it’s final!” he snapped.
But the next day …
An industry acquaintance put a bug in his ear that the new prices were not competitive.
So he changed his mind.
Then the firm’s founder, hearing of the newly “lowered” prices, sternly advised our waffler that their dresses had always competed on quality, not price.
So the division head changed his mind again.
And his associates threw up their hands.
What causes timidity and indecision like this? We could probably go off on a deep and long discussion of the psychology of such indecisiveness, concluding that the source can be found in the childhood habit of submitting to a dominant parent. So when, as a grown up, that person has to play a role of authority, he or she reverts to ingrained timidity and submissiveness.
And we’d often be close to the truth. In an introspective moment our fashion division head said (paraphrasing and condensing here): “I’m a grown man. I’m seriously good at the manufacturing process and have an eye for style and color. But out of my comfort zones I often feel like an inadequate child, and I probably come across that way.”
So sufferers know, at some level, they’re not acting properly and in the best interests of the enterprise. And often they’ll attempt to break the mold with the unfortunate result being aggressive and rigid “my way or the highway” behavior.
TGIM Takeaway: Ideally managers and leaders are neither timid nor dictatorial. They have the confidence to act democratically and to respect the opinions of others. They get their input from many sources, consider their own doubts and concerns, and make a decision.
Then – unless circumstances change significantly – they stick to that decision. They know that uncertainty and vacillation are signs of weak leadership, and they make every effort to be strong.
If you, like many top managers, have traces of timidity in you, what can you do about it?
TGIM ACTION IDEAS: Here are four suggestions:
#1: Send the soup back if it’s cold. Practice acting assertively. Say something if someone tries to get ahead of you in line. On the job or in the community at large, make a point of expressing your opinion more forcefully.
First person case in point: Recently, in a not-inexpensive restaurant, I was served an exotic entrée that seemed to me too salty, but I attributed that conclusion to my inexperienced palate. My companions, knowing I can sometimes be hesitant about such things, urged me to send it back. I did, and received, with an apology, a revised version that was much more to my liking. And I felt better about myself.
#2: Act, don’t just react. Start small. Try being more decisive on a modest scale. Stop vacillating. Care, even if you ordinarily tend to “I don’t care...” Weigh all the available facts, get the opinions of others, then make up your mind and don’t change it. Then work up to more important decisions.
Case in point: Say where you would prefer to go for lunch. If others balk at making largely insignificant decisions such as which supplier to use for office supplies pick a source and commit to it. Soon you will be seen as a stronger decision maker because -- ta da! – you will be.
#3: Watch your language. Be direct; develop a knack for straight talk.
Avoid language that portrays weakness, indecision or uncertainty.
Case in point: Instead of saying, “I think I like the second approach,” say, “I like the second approach.” Instead of saying, “Maybe we should get Tim’s advice,” say, “Let’s get Tim’s advice.” Instead of saying, “I don’t think so,” or “Let me think about it,” say, “No.”
#4: Be aware of your tone and body language. Speak clearly and confidently. Hold yourself erect and stand firm. Avoid slouching, lowering your head, talking while walking away, nodding in meek agreement.
Practice, practice, practice. Low tech: Practice speaking before a mirror. Welcome to the 21st Century: Make digital recordings. Then evaluate yourself, and try increasing your display of confidence and assertiveness. Be dramatic. Act if you must.
Think it’s over the top? You’re too modest. Share the ramped-up version with a few trusted confidants and see what they think of the new you, tiger.
One last point: If any of your coworkers or connections suffers from timidity, invite them to try the above suggestions.
Hold on …
Wait a minute ...
That last paragraph’s way too mushy.
Let’s rephrase, assertively:
One last point: Share this message with someone you know who could increase their effectiveness and move up in the world by becoming more confident and decisive.
Got it? Good. Now put it into action.
Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing
8 Depot Square
P.S. “To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying ‘Amen’ to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.” Novelist, poet, essayist and world traveler Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) said that.
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