Thank Goodness It's Monday #336

TRY SETTING RESOLUTIONS “MY WAY” FOR 2012

“Regrets, I’ve had a few --

Released March 1969

But then again, too few to mention.”  

It was Frank Sinatra who first sang “My Way” into music history, of course. 

Paul Anka, a singer/songwriter of a slightly different generation actually wrote the lyrics (with Sinatra in mind, he says) and set it to music based on a French song with a similar perspective to which Anka had acquired the rights.

Some claim it’s the most covered song of all time. In fact, Anka himself recorded the song in 1969 shortly after Sinatra’s rendition was released, in part to appease his record company who thought he should have kept it for himself originally. (I guess they had some regrets.)

Lyric storyline synopsis: A person, perhaps near death, looking back at life, takes responsibility for how he (or she) dealt with the twists and turns of that life. The singer gives the impression that he/she is comfortable with what’s transpired and claims to have maintained a respectable degree of integrity. 

TGIM factoid: According to the British newspaper The Guardian, "My Way" is the song most frequently played at British funeral services. 

What does all this have to do with making New Year resolutions? 

In this last week of 2011, as we get down to making all those forward-looking 2012 resolutions, many will begin the process by looking back at all the broken, failed, half-kept declarations made at the start of the year now drawing to a close. 

It’s in our nature. And it’s in our nature to look back at “what we have not accomplished but meant to” with regret.

Then we rewrite our 2011 list afresh, perhaps adding a new “resolution” or two, and tell ourselves –

This year it will be different.

Guess what? It won’t be much different if the process you employ is built on a foundation of regret. That path is circular ... goes nowhere new ... and serves no one well.

I don’t want to insult you, but: Building on regret is much like the observation: "Insanity is when you keep doing the same things expecting different results."

So this year perhaps we should try the –

“My Way” Resolution-Setting Strategy

In resolving for the days ahead, try to accept the mistakes or failures or setbacks (we all have “a few”) that you might otherwise “regret” as history. Treat them as a passing and past part of the whole of life that has promising days (ideally many such days) ahead.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Don’t be so occupied with looking backward that you miss the opportunities out in front of you. Make up your mind to learn from regrettable experience. Don’t repeat errors that you’re aware of.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Make your regrets “too few” and “too little” to mention. Make peace with the outcome of your prior decisions and the events they engendered. Acknowledge the experiences that led up to who you are where you are today. Then choose to move on.

Here are some proven-in-action steps to that end:

• Accept the circumstance. Don’t succumb to the blame game. Take responsibility for what you might have handled better but don’t be weighed down with regret.
• Grieve if you must. But do it with the intention of allowing yourself to feel the sadness … anger … guilt … whatever … and then –
• Get over it. Stop re-living and revisiting those debilitating emotions. Don’t dwell on results that didn’t measure up to your expectations.
• Concentrate you full powers on going forward. Recognize what you have learned or gained and the opportunities that are now yours.  Set your sights on becoming a better person, whatever that means for you.
• Saying “Sorry” counts. Unless you’re responsible for something profoundly horrible – in which case you are well advised to seek truly professional guidance -- make appropriate and necessary apologies. 
• Forgive, even if you can’t completely forget. Forgive yourself. Ask for forgiveness from others and make amends if you’re able. Then let time heal any wounds.

You can’t change the past. No one can. But neither can you let the past inhibit moving forward and ruin today, as well as the future.  

You move forward most easily by not staring too hard and too long in the rearview mirror. (In this regard the “Objects in mirror …” cautionary notice should probably be amended to include “Are distorted” as well as “Are closer than they appear.”) 

“Regrets, I’ve had a few.” In any life lived with energy and enthusiasm there will certainly be regrettable circumstances. However, regrets can become either burdens that interfere with your present happiness and restrict your future, or – 

Motivation to move forward. Apply a little of the mental judo suggested above with the intention of diminishing inhibiting regrets and flipping them forever into “Too few to mention” status.  

Then get busy resolving and creating a success-filled 2012 and beyond.  

Thank you, my friends, for sticking around and reading this year’s worth of TGIM messages. I hope you don’t regret the time you put in.  

I don’t regret it. Oh no. Oh no, not me. I did what I had to do. And did it, “My way.” 

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com     

P.S.  Maybe this New Year’s Eve -- before you get to singing “Auld Lang Syne” --you’ll consider the “My Way” opening “And now the end is near ...” phrase as the coda to 2011 and want to sing along. 

So here are the Frank-Sinatra-styled lyrics for you:  

And now the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

My friend I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I traveled each and every highway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course,

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way 

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of losing

And now as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way

“Oh no. Oh no, not me”

I did it my way 

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way 

Yes, it was my way!

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Thank Goodness It's Monday #335

LIGHTS FANTASTIC!

I am not like Clark Griswold from the semi-memorable 1989 movie, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation:

Elderly Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?

           Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

However … As you can see above -- and in this YouTube link -- I do enjoy a good holiday light display at several levels.

• I enjoy the idea that people who mount the digitally-driven 21^st century extravaganzas wish to give, as well as bask in, the enjoyment of their creations …
• I enjoy the memory of far less elaborate childhood decorations …
• And I enjoy the idea that virtually all the seasonal celebrations now taking place are light conscious and linked to the time of the Winter Solstice, at least in the Northern Hemisphere, the darkest days of the year.

And it’s this last notion that gets today’s TGIM attention.

For observers in our neighborhood, December 22 will be the day with the least hours of daylight and, therefore, the longest stretch of night.

Historically solstice celebrations have influenced the lives of many people over the centuries, through art, literature, mythology and religion. So, whether you officially "celebrate" or not, you probably will (or recently have) observed the Winter Solstice in some way.

If you care to, you can find dogmatically neutral recaps at sites such as  ReligiousTolerance.org or Beliefnet.com. There, and elsewhere, you can learn more about the wide range of solstice-related observances across time and cultures both extinct and extant around the globe.

Wikipedia lists 40+ that range from contemporary observances at science stations in Antarctica to Neolithic and Bronze Age practices in Europe and references in Western Hemisphere cultures that date back to 1800 BCE.

So, since Neolithic times the return of the sun and the lengthening days, represent the return of hope.

It's only human to fear the darkness. As the sun came back, fear receded and hope returned.

In our longitude (above 40° N) the December solstice occurs at the beginning of the coldest season of the year. Although winter was regarded as the season of dormancy, darkness and cold, the coming of brighter days after the Winter Solstice brought on a more festive mood. To many people, this return of the light was a reason to celebrate that nature's cycle was continuing

At the Winter Solstice we all – without confronting the conflicting tenets of particular spiritual or secular beliefs — can trace the evolution of our seasonal celebrations from their origins in ancient nature rituals. We can acknowledge the primeval link to today’s widely practiced religions, monotheistic and otherwise.

And in this 21^st Century we can use all the tech and gathered wisdom and best thinking at our disposal to come to one inevitable –

TGIM TAKEAWAY: It’s still about the light. Beacons of hope. Moments of illumination. Glimmers of insight. The promise of brighter tomorrows. Miracles of light and enlightenment. Lights fantastic.

Christmas with its advent wreaths, trees, and other lighted decorations and Hanukkah and its menorah candles are easy to relate to for many of us.

Whatever your traditions hold dear and celebrate and commemorate at this time of the year, we are all very much one in spirit. It IS a very small and very interconnected world after all. Daily it becomes closer still.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: ‘Tis the season to be enlightened. Know what you believe and why. Your core beliefs need to be your own, arrived at freely.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Like exploring the history of solstice celebrations, look for evidence yourself. Dig down. Get back to the source as you gather facts. Make your decisions based on your informed research and insight. Decide what works for you and use it.

Then –

Don’t hide your light. It’s also a season for giving. And in the spirit of transitioning from darkness to light, one of the best gifts you can give at this or any time of the year is –

The gift of yourself --

your love,

your time,

your thoughtful involvement.

Several years ago my friend and “Best Year Ever” program and Life Lessons from Superman partner Eric Taylor and I shared a holiday message about this gift that keeps on giving. We pointed out that –

This enlightened and enlightening present is something that everyone wants … one size fits all … requires no last minute shopping or trips to the mall …  is essentially free … and, no wrapping is required.

It’s that simple. But the gift of yourself is surely what those you care most about and really want. And, when you ponder and understand the fullness of the concept, you’ll know that it’s the only gift of lasting value that you alone can give.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Give the enlightened and enlightening gift of yourself, your love and your time and your involvement, unconditionally, now and throughout the New Year. You’ll soon realize this cost-free present will yield an abundance of riches for the giver and the receiver far greater than you could ever imagine.

One last cool thing about this gift: It’s a gift that’s sure to be “returned” to you in so many ways.

What more could a giver ask for?

For one to succeed, we all must succeed. But it starts with each individual. Now is a good time to make a start. So don’t even wait for an “official” holiday to begin.

I wish you an Enlightened Solstice … Happy Hanukkah … Merry Christmas … Joyous Kwanzaa …

“Peace toward men of good will.”

Happy holidays, one and all.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square
Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373
tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. Deep peace of the winter solstice to you.

        Deep peace of the falling snow to you.
        Deep peace of the love of friends to you.
        Deep peace of the gentle deer to you.
        Deep peace of the moon and stars to you.

        Deep peace of the running wave to you.

        Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
        Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
        Deep peace of the shining stars to you.

       Deep peace of the gentle night to you.

       Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.

       Deep peace to you.
       Deep peace to you.
              -- source(s) unknown

Christopher Hitchens

A HERO FOR OUR TIME

 

 

"Only an open conflict of ideas and principles can produce any clarity."
Christopher Hitchens (13 April 1949 - 15 December 2011)

Thank Goodness It's Monday #333

BELIEVE!

IN THIS SEASON FOR BELIEVIN’

(JUST DO IT THE RIGHT WAY)

“Believe!” That’s the instruction I’ve been getting every day this holiday season when I open my daily newspapers.

(Yes, call me old fashioned but I still enjoy getting information with my morning coffee the smudgy-fingered, old-fashioned, ink-on-paper way – the world-view via the New York Times, plus my local daily.)

Believe! That mildly insistent command (plus discount coupons) comes in the form of advertisements from Macy’s, the retail establishment.

It features the flourishy typeface “Believe!” imperative as part of a perennial holiday season advertising campaign harking back to its “Miracle of 34^th Street” claim to fame and linking it to the seminal seasonal “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” story.

“Miracle” and “Virginia” are all about belief, of course, although the stories date back to a simpler time when daily papers were THE standard source of news. But “Miracle” and “Virginia” still resonate and have relevance – beyond advertising exploitation, I trust – in a Lady GaGa Christmas era.

(Google search results for “Macys” + “Believe” = About 3,000,000 vs. “Lady GaGa Christmas” = 2,850,000.)

But let’s get down to the headline matter.

In this Season For Believin’: I’d like to pose an important challenge – without making a demand on any spiritual conviction you may embrace, namely –

Do you know how your current beliefs were formed?

Are they yours? Or were they inherited?

Have you figured out what you believe and why you believe in it? Or are you accepting the opinion of someone else because you haven’t formed beliefs you can truly call your own?

And how powerful are your beliefs? Beliefs about yourself, other people, the way the world works, money, relationships, politics and government, a higher power?

These are complex areas. Wars are fought about beliefs and lives are risked and lost. Friendships can be gained and lost. Love doesn’t work without respect for the beliefs of loved ones. You can’t bring your best effort to accomplishing something you don’t believe in.

These are big, profound topics. You must think about them and wrestle with them. They lie beneath everything you do in life. Your beliefs may change and you’ll change with them.

And they should be continually “top of mind” for us because --

What You Believe Is What You Get

Consider this: What was your worst subject in school? Math? A foreign language? World history?

• Did you believe that you would never be any good at it?
• Did others “agree” with you?
• And the outcome was what?

Do the words “Self-fulfilling Prophecy” sound familiar?

TGIM TAKEAWAY: When you have a firmly held belief, your subconscious mind gets busy making that belief become a reality.

“You gotta believe,” NY Mets baseball player Tug McGraw said frequently as his team rose from 5^th to 1^st place in the 1973 National League pennant race.  And he was quite correct.

The conviction of your beliefs can transform you. And it can transform others. And these transformations can be for good.

Or they can work against someone’s best interest – possibly your own.

Here’s how: There are usually dozens, if not hundreds, of self-limiting beliefs most of us have that prevent us from reaching the highest levels of health and happiness. And it’s all too easy to find someone else who willingly participates in this undermining of esteem.

We may be the most conditioned, programmed beings the world has ever known. Not only are our thoughts and attitudes continually being shaped and molded by what others want from us, but it’s often done in a way that’s slightly under the radar. (And BTW: “Even paranoids have enemies.”)

Sometimes it’s not so easy to be sure what we “know” and “believe” and often even more difficult to discern precisely why we know and believe it.

It’s not just about Miracles, Virginia: Any time – not just at winter holiday time – is a good time for a little excavation down to at least one level below what “everyone knows.” Uncovering real knowledge on which to anchor your beliefs takes some effort.

Here’s a non-sectarian thought: One way to sort through the sentimentality of the season and get closer to facts and the “truth” of what you can believe is to apply what classic researchers call “the scientific method.”

TGIM ACTION IDEA: True scientific research begins with no conclusions. Real scientists are seeking the truth because they do not yet know what the truth is. They know what they suspect. But they don’t yet know what they believe. So they –

1. Form a hypothesis.
2. Make predictions for that hypothesis.
3. Test the predictions.
4. Reject or revise the hypothesis based on research findings.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: For starters, use this strategy to evaluate any belief you feel uncertain about. And if you run low in that category, reconsider long-held beliefs. Treat your quest as an experiment.

One item at a time, pick a belief you broadly imagine and accept as “true.” Choose to step outside of it. Test the assumptions made in support of it.

• If it really is true, then your belief and conviction in it will be stronger and more powerful for having applied this close scrutiny.
• If you find it is not true, that’s OK because in the process you’ll probably find another perspective that serves you better and more effectively.

Challenge yourself this holiday season -- and year ‘round – to find beliefs that become truths for you and allow you to put your virtues into action. Then resolve to monitor your beliefs and behavior objectively on an ongoing basis and to make a conscious effort to not instill limiting ideas in others.

All wrapped up: Take these steps and you’ll have given yourself – and all around you -- a transformative gift that keeps on giving.

Tied with a bow: This reminder will also be a gift to me this celebratory season. So every time Macy’s commands me to “Believe!” I will – in my own way.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com   

P.S. “If we begin with certainties,” said philosopher/scientist Francis Bacon (1561-1626) “we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and are patient in them, we shall end in certainties.”

P. P.S.  Virginia O’Hanlon was the eight year old “Virginia” who, at her father’s suggestion, wrote to the New York Sun newspaper with her famous query, “Is there a Santa Claus?”

Here’s a clipping of the original appearance with the famous response penned by Francis Pharcellus Church: