Thank Goodness It's Monday #439

SEASONS GREETINGS,

HAPPY HOLIDAY

-- AND, PLEASE: LIGHTEN UP

Does that sound– Bah! Humbug! – unseasonably vague and cranky?

TGIM Guy with the Big Guy
 circa 1949
Hey! He knows if you've
been bad or good.
You'd be apprehensive, too.

Perhaps it is.
So let me clear the air by saying upfront --


I’m a Christmas celebrator. Have been for as long as I can remember and expect to continue keeping the season and many of its traditions, especially the English/German ones that are part of my family history.

 

But I also try to “observe” and appreciate and enjoy experiences beyond my roots.

And I’m also more than a bit weary with the increasingly escalating broadcast, print and social media “fuss” over forcing the most doctrinal parts of Christmas front and center in the tangible, material world, especially to the exclusion of others.

In this day and age I can’t help but wonder at the failure to recognize the connectedness of all the belief systems that find reasons to celebrate at this time of the year. 

And I’m pretty confident that, in the best interpretations of those sacred observances, even the most orthodox adherent could find at least one secular, non-dogmatic connection that binds us in celebration to this –

Universal Truth: ‘Tis the season, in the northern hemisphere, of the Winter Solstice.



Actually ... it's NOT
precisely Christmas.
This frequently shared
social media image
from recent days
underlies a bit
of my adamant tone.

It’s science, folks (not just Stonehenge mumbo jumbo). This year December 21 will be the day with the least hours of daylight and, therefore, the longest stretch of night.

Historically solstice celebrations have influenced the lives of many over the centuries, through art, literature, mythology and religion. So, whether you officially “celebrate” or not, you probably will (or recently have) observed the Winter Solstice in some way.

If you care to, you can find doctrine-neutral recaps at sites such as ReligiousTolerance.org/ or Beliefnet.com. There, and elsewhere, you can learn more about the wide range of solstice-related observances across time and cultures both extinct and extant around the globe.

 

Wikipedia lists 40+ that range from contemporary observances at science stations in Antarctica to references in Western Hemisphere cultures that date back to 1800 BCE and further back to Neolithic and Bronze Age practices in Europe.

So, for 12,000 years and maybe longer, the return of the sun and the lengthening days, represent –

The return of hope. Perhaps prehistoric man feared that the sun would keep on sinking until it went away forever.

I'm sure they knew it wouldn't. They were as intelligent as we. (They just didn't know as much.) But it’s only human to fear the darkness. When the sun came back, fear receded and hope returned.

In our bit of the globe the December solstice occurs during the coldest season of the year. Although winter was regarded as the season of dormancy, darkness and cold, the coming of brighter days after the Winter Solstice brought on a more festive mood. To many people, this return of the light was a reason to celebrate that nature’s cycle was continuing.

At this time of the Winter Solstice we all – without confronting the conflicting tenets of particular spiritual or secular beliefs -- can trace the evolution of our seasonal celebrations to origins in ancient nature rituals. We can acknowledge the primeval link to today’s widely practiced religions, monotheistic and otherwise.

And in this 21^st Century we can use all the tech and gathered wisdom and best thinking at our disposal to come to one inevitable –

TGIM TAKEAWAY: It’s still about the light.

►   Beacons of hope.

►   Moments of illumination.

►   Glimmers of insight.

►   The promise of brighter tomorrows.

Miracles of light and enlightenment. Whatever your traditions hold dear and celebrate and commemorate at this time of the year, we are all very much one in spirit.

It IS a very small and very interconnected world after all. Daily it becomes closer still.

 

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Lighten up and be enlightened. Know what you believe and why. Your core beliefs need to be your own, arrived at freely. 

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Like exploring the history of solstice celebrations, look for evidence yourself. Dig down. Get back to the source as you gather facts. Make your decisions based on your informed research and insight. Decide what works for you and use it.

Lighten up. You don’t even have to wait for an “official” holiday to begin.

We wish you an Enlightened Solstice … (belated) Happy Hanukkah … Merry Christmas … Joyous Kwanzaa … 

“Peace toward men of good will.” 

Happy holidays, one and all.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com

P.S.  Deep peace of the winter solstice to you.

        Deep peace of the falling snow to you.

        Deep peace of the love of friends to you.

        Deep peace of the gentle deer to you.

        Deep peace of the moon and stars to you.

 

       Deep peace of the running wave to you.

       Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

       Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

       Deep peace of the shining stars to you.

       Deep peace of the gentle night to you.

 

       Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.

       Deep peace to you.

       Deep peace to you.

              -- source(s) unknown

Thank Goodness It's Monday #438

UNTANGLING THE “NOTS”

THAT KEEP US FROM OUR GOALS

 

It’s that time of the year – again. Seems every December we remember to dig out our “resolutions” made nearly 12 months ago and evaluate our success. 

 

Ooops. Got some shortfalls there?

Me, too. But that’s doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the year is the end of the world. 

• If you’ve been able to check off a significant portion of your 2013 list, kudos.
• If, however, it appears you can create your 2014 goals/resolutions list simply by changing the date atop 2013’s, we need to talk further.

All too often we erect mental barriers that weaken our goals and turn them into mere wishes. Or we make wishes, but never begin the deliberate process that transforms these ethereal dreams into reality.

 

The biggest mental barriers take the form of “nots” – negative attitudes that keep us from even trying.

Here are some of the toughest “nots” and some effective ways to slice right through them, starting with the biggest:

Not Enough Time

Suppose your company’s expanding its business in Germany and having a full blown command of German would be a great boon for you.  When you consider a goal like this, is your first thought, “I have no time to master another language”?  Or maybe you phrase it as a frantic, “I already have too much to do!”

Not having enough time is a universal complaint, especially if you’re juggling the trifecta of job, community and family responsibilities.

So what’s the goal-achieving solution to this “not”?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Make time. 

This isn’t meant to be flippant. Sure, achieving a worthwhile goal takes time. But so does BS-ing … grousing about the difficult client, unreasonable boss or cantankerous coworker … churning through social media … playing Candy Crunch.  At home nothing takes as much time as watching TV.

Even if none of these apply to you, you can probably think of your own private time wasters. Any one of them is stealing time you need to work on significant goals instead, nicht wahr?

You’re not wasting a second, you say? Then maybe you do have too much to do. In that case –

Delegate.  Surely not every one of your time-consuming tasks is as important as certain big-deal goals you’d like to achieve. Delegate the less important jobs. Do it at the office. Do it at home. Do it in your community, verstehen Sie?

Another way to find time for your big, significant goal is to make it the first priority of every day – not let it bump along until you can squeeze it in. Treat goals like afterthoughts and they’ll remain inconsequential.

 

Not The Right Goal 

Sometimes we direct our efforts in the wrong direction.

• If you want to be the head of your own operation next year, starting from your current position as one of many in the sales force, your goal is probably too big.
• If you’re spending hours and hours fretting over and re-designing your new business card, your “goal” is probably too small.

And if you’re not sure whether your goals are too big or too small –

Check this: Do you change goals frequently before completing them? Then they may not be the right goals at all.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: The way to untangle this “not” is with a deliberate thought.

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION #1: Reflect on past goals to discover why you abandon them. What happened that made you switch goals?

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION #2: Now choose your next goal carefully. Is it significant? Doable? Can you accomplish it within a set period of time? Does it make sense in terms of your current responsibilities? Then press on.

Not Enough Courage

What often prevents many of us from even attempting to meet our goals is plain old fear.

Of course we seldom come out and say aloud, “I’m too afraid to try this.” 

 

Instead we say, “I’m too old,” “I’m too young,” “I don’t have enough education,” “I’m comfortable with how things are now.”

No doubt it’s true: There ARE many things to be afraid of. “What if I fail?” “What if I succeed?” “Won’t things be different after I try?” Fair considerations all.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Acknowledging fear is often the best first step in overcoming it. It also helps to realize that most other people have the same fears too – even those who go on to succeed.

So clearly, just having the fear doesn’t mean failure –

But not doing anything does. 

So, in addition to courageously acknowledging your fear factor, another way to work through the “notty” situation is to construct a worst-case scenario – 

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Ask and objectively answer the question: “What’s the worst that thing that could happen if I try?”

Case in point: Suppose you’re convinced the company would benefit by having a Chief Technology Officer (a post you believe you’re qualified to fill). Imagine then you pitch the idea to the top brass and your idea’s turned down flat or, after due consideration, someone new is brought in to fill the position. 

Now what? You still have your job. Plus your reasonable, even profitable, suggestion shows you’re company-minded and ambitious. Pretty good accomplishments for “failure.”

Not Enough Willpower 

“I know all about goals,” you may say. “There was a time I started to create a whole new system for the company. And the time I started to teach myself C++.  And the time I started the MBA course so I can better handle executive level responsibilities. I just never finish anything.”

That certainly resonates.  Good intentions often crumble when you’re faced with the actual work. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or not capable. You simply need a few concrete tools to help see a job through from start to finish.

These tools are useful for everyone—no matter what your specific goal-completion problem.

1. Set realistic deadlines.  Set a deadline for the goal itself. Also set deadlines to mark each step or series of steps. Meeting these interim deadlines provides you with tangible proof of your progress. They’re also good points to reward yourself for ongoing work.

2. Tell your mentor about your goal. If you don’t have a mentor, tell a friend or trusted co-worker. You’ll be less likely to “let yourself off the hook” if someone is watching what you do. Just be certain you don’t tell someone who will blab to everyone or in some way disparage your efforts.

3. Use a written plan.  It’s been said ad nauseam that the key difference between a wish and a goal is that a goal is written down. A goal somehow becomes more serious when it’s in writing and reflects a deeper commitment on your part. A written plan will also help you break the goal down into its separate, more easily achievable steps.

4. Visualize success. Imagination can help you succeed.  Studies of athletes show that visualizing playing and winning a game can increase performance as much as actual practice. Imagine, in detail, the job complete, the project in full running order. Imagine enjoying the results – as well as all the recognition and respect you’ll get.

Which “not” has you tangled up?  Use the above strategies to start working on your 2014 goals today.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com 

 

P.S. “Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem – in my opinion – to characterize our age. If we desire sincerely and passionately the safety, the welfare, and the free development of the talents of all men, we shall not be in want to the means to approach such a state. Even if only a small part of mankind strives for such goals, their superiority will prove itself in the long run.” The brilliant goal-achiever Albert Einstein (1879-1955) shared that thought on the moral obligation of a scientist with his peers in 1941.

Thinking of Nelson Mandela

  

Thinking of Nelson Mandela

 

Since 1997, the South African national anthem has been a hybrid song, combining extracts of the hymn Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika and the former anthem Die Stem van Suid-Afrika (The Call of South Africa) together with new lyrics in English. In total, the anthem uses five of South Africa's eleven official languages (Xhosa, Zulu, Sesotho, Afrikaans and English).

Nkosi sikelel’ iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw’ uphondo lwayo,
Yizwa imithandazo yethu,
Nkosi sikelela, thina lusapho lwayo.

Morena boloka setjhaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa le matshwenyeho,
O se boloke, O se boloke setjhaba sa heso,
Setjhaba sa, South Afrika — South Afrika.

Uit die blou van onse hemel,
Uit die diepte van ons see,
Oor ons ewige gebergtes,
Waar die kranse antwoord gee,

Sounds the call to come together,
And united we shall stand,
Let us live and strive for freedom
In South Africa our land

Understand its roots and the wonder of the accomplishments of the man and the transition he created for his country --

With this excerpt from the closing "credits" for the 1987 film Cry Freedom: HERE

And, also from 1987, Paul Simon's controversial-at-the-time concert appearance in Zimbabwe: HERE

Consider the man. Cherish the memory.







 

Thank Goodness It's Monday #437

THE LESSON OF THE LEFTOVERS

I apologize in advance if the thought of even more post-Thanksgiving turkey makes you groan.

Still, I hope you’ll read on because –

 

1. No matter how abundant your second-, third-, or even fourth-day surplus was, it’s miniscule compared to the “leftover” challenge Gerry Thomas successfully overcame.

And --

2. Although he died in 2005 at the age of 83, it’s particularly appropriate to revisit his claim to culinary fame on this Monday after a l-o-n-g weekend of coping with Thanksgiving leftovers since it supplies us with a seasonal TGIM TURKEY TAKEAWAY or two.

Here’s the story: During World War II, Thomas was a U.S. Army intelligence officer and was awarded the Bronze Star for his work in breaking Japanese codes. After the war he went to work as a salesman for C.A. Swanson & Sons.

 

In 1953, the company overbought turkey for Thanksgiving.

You think you had leftovers? Swanson had 260 tons of “left-over” turkey.

 

What to do? They had no room to store the excess, so they loaded the half a million+ pounds of poultry into ten refrigerated train cars that had to keep moving continuously so the electricity/refrigeration would stay on.

Clearly, this wasn’t the most efficient solution.

So, as Gourmet magazine reports it, the Swanson brothers challenged their employees to come up with an alternate use for the meat.

Although there is some dispute about the depth of his contribution, for years Gerry Thomas maintained he came up with –

The solution:

Package it as frozen dinners
 with side dishes
in aluminum trays.

Talkin’ turkey: Thomas said he designed the company's famous three-compartment aluminum tray (the dessert didn’t appear until 1960) after seeing a similar tray used by Pan Am Airways.

He also –

... said he coined the name "TV Dinner"

… brainstormed the idea of having the packaging resemble a 50’s-era TV set

and

… contributed the recipe for the cornbread stuffing.

In 1954 it was an immediate success: Swanson sold 10 million of the dinners -- at 98 cents each -- in part because they took "only" half an hour to heat up.

The company quickly expanded the line to other meals, which some say Thomas tested on his own family. In the late 1960s he reputedly helped adapt the meal to a new kitchen appliance -- the microwave oven -- which cut prep time to about 5 minutes.

Now, according to the American Frozen Food Institute, the average American eats 72 frozen meals a year and frozen foods are a $60 billion industry.

The Library of Congress says the history of the TV Dinner is murky, but notes that frozen dinners existed several years before Swanson made the idea famous. Pinnacle Foods, which currently owns Swanson, still credits Thomas with proposing the TV Dinner concept.

In an interview with the Associated Press news agency Thomas recalled, “I think the name made all the difference in the world … It’s a pleasure being identified as the person who did this because it changed the way people live.”

Changed the way people lived? 

If you’re not old enough to recall, that’s actually pretty accurate. 

Due to Swanson’s brand notoriety, expansive advertising campaign, and catchy concept, the idea and availability of TV Dinner s altered the way people approached frozen food.
 

And that rippled out to have wider societal repercussions. 

The original “Mother’s little helper.” Even before the Rolling Stones popularized the phrase (and in a far different context) the TV Dinner was deemed “The Great Liberator” arguably giving women (who were predominantly the family cooks) more free time to pursue jobs and other activities while still providing a hot meal for their families.

TGIM TURKEY TAKEAWAY: Gerry Thomas was and is a great example of the EHFTB-FTWMIH credo I espouse -- “Everything Happens For The Best—For Those Who Make It Happen.”

TGIM ACTION IDEA: Confronted with a challenge, he drew on skills he had developed and observations he had made and applied them to the situation at hand. 

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: With a marketer’s “find-a-need-and-fill-it” mindset, he took apparently disparate information he had absorbed (perhaps even unconsciously) in his routine – air travel, kitchen skills (see the P.S.), awareness of trends in popular culture and emerging social developments – and snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. 

Then he brought the elements together and applied the –

Useful Rule of a Successful Product or Service:

Be first, best or different.

Can you do the same?

 

Of course you can. The EHFTB-FTWMIH concept argues simply that you must take action for anything to turn out “For The Best.” You must be ever alert for opportunities to triumph in the face of adversity.

It’s not easy. You can’t be a passive bystander. You must be always preparing for the future. And, when challenges arise, you must rally that preparation and confront them. It isn’t enough to want the best. Continually challenge yourself to know what you’re going to do to get to where you want to be. Effort makes achievement.

Talkin’ Turkey—and makin’ the effort to make it happen.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com

P.S. Historical sidebar: Gerry Thomas abstained from the quickie frozen meals. According to the BBC, Thomas’ wife admitted that he was a gourmet cook (lucky for her) who never ate the dinners.

 

Thomas later said he was uncomfortable with being called the "father" of the TV Dinner, because he felt he just built upon existing ideas. In 1999 he also observed, “If it were today, we'd probably call it the 'digital dinner'."

Thank Goodness It's Monday #436

HISTORIC THANKSGIVING WISHES

I really like Thanksgiving. It’s THE time of the year for my family and many of our friends to gather at my home base and connect or reconnect. 

And for us it’s not just a one day affair. As you read this the squad has already begun to gather. Then the days ahead will bring more and more folks until the big day when the house – and all the guests – will be bursting. 

But wait. There’s more. Then, as Friday and the weekend plays out, the gathering will ebb and flow then gradually diminish until, when the next TGIM arrives in your email, we’ll be back to business as usual.

 

Clearly, I think a Thanksgiving celebration is an inspired and inspiring idea.

But sometimes even the most dynamic leaders can’t get a good idea – like Thanksgiving Day in the United States – rolling and keep it rolling.

TGIM Thanksgiving Takeaway: The next time you can’t get buy-in on a really good idea, take heart from this capsule recap of making Thanksgiving Day “official” throughout our national history:

George Washington's
 Thanksgiving Day Proclamation
October 3, 1789

• On October 3, 1789, President Washington issued a proclamation appointing Thursday, November 26, 1789 as a day of general thanksgiving. For a little while the annual holiday was observed faithfully. But gradually states began to observe the day at different dates.
• In 1864 President Lincoln attempted to get things back on track with a proclamation appointing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day with the idea of having the day observed every year thereafter. However –
• The very next year, the assassination of Lincoln almost caused a suspension of this rule. Lincoln’s successor, President Johnson, prevailed and the uniform national observance was maintained – for a while.
• In 1918 President Wilson made a similar proclamation.
• Then President Roosevelt in 1939, 1940, and 1941 proclaimed the third Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day.
• Congress in 1941 locked in the fourth Thursday.



1941 Congressional Joint Resolution
makes it "official"

Now the icing on the cake to this lesson (or whipped cream on the pumpkin pie) is that the famous feast that people in the USA envision was first celebrated in Plymouth, Massachusetts in 1621 was not a thanksgiving.

 

Strictly speaking, a Puritan thanksgiving day was more like a Sabbath day; a day of fasting and prayer and one where the playing of sports was forbidden. Failure to properly observe the day was a crime.

What did take place, the historic record confirms – and what all the presidential proclamations were about – was a multi-day Harvest Home celebration. (That’s sorta what we do at our house. How historic.)

In 1621: The main course was venison. There’s no evidence that substantiates there was any turkey on the menu although the colonists and their indigenous American “guests” did go “fowling” in preparation (see the P.S.) 

No potatoes either. At the time they were thought to be poisonous.

 

And they didn’t have apples. So there was no apple cider and no apple pie – or even pumpkin pie because, although there were pumpkins, there was no grain for flour or cows for milk to be churned into butter or whipped into cream.

There was corn. The kernels were boiled, mashed, kneaded, and then fried into flat cakes. And the celebrants ate cranberries and other wild fruits and nuts.

TGIM ACTION IDEA: I hope your Thanksgiving observance, no matter how boisterous or modest, is a celebration for you and yours, too. And – even if it’s been a particularly tough year – I hope you have the good fortune and opportunity to reflect on all that the holiday is intended to embody.

What are you thankful for? The Pilgrims were grateful for the many things that give life meaning and joy … the things that matter no matter what our economic or social circumstances … the things that bind us together as –

A human family. I trust, no matter how difficult current circumstances seem, that Thursday you will find some of the First Thanksgiving spirit.

I certainly don't imagine most of you will busy yourself with e-mail. So I will take this TGIM opportunity to --

Thank YOU, one and all.

►   For your generous acceptance of these messages

►   Thanks for liking and sharing the ones you like best with folks you think will enjoy them or benefit from them. We're pleased to make their acquaintance.

►   And thanks for your feedback, both critical and favorable. I appreciate your views and the effort you make to convey them. I learn from what you have to say and hope that this digital connection can continue to be a conduit for sharing that wisdom and understanding.

My Thanksgiving wish for you: I hope this message finds you far from want ... that life is always plentiful for you ... and that once again on Thanksgiving Day you will use the occasion to resolve to find something to be thankful every day of the year.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com  

P.S. Here’s a description of the first Harvest Home celebration in 1621. It comes from a letter colonist Edward Winslow sent to a friend in England. It was first published in London in 1622 so the Elizabethan-era English can be a bit difficult. But the message, especially the second paragraph, is a wonderful articulation of what we celebrate even when times turn “difficult.” 

THE FIRST THANKSGIVING

"Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, so that we might, after a special manner, rejoice together after we had gathered the fruit of our labors. They four in one day killed as many fowl as with a little help besides served our company almost a week. At which time amongst other recreations, we exercised our arms, many of the Indians came amongst us, and among the rest their greatest King, Massaoyt, with some ninety men whom for these three days we entertained and feasted; and they went out and killed five deer, which they brought to the plantation, and bestowed upon our governor, and the captain and others." 

 

"And although it be not always so plentiful as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want, that, we often wish you partakers of our plenty."

Note of the first Thanksgiving celebrated at Plymouth Plantation
as it was published in Mourt's Relation, 1622 

 

Seven score and ten

THINKING ABOUT LINCOLN

AT GETTYSBURG

One of the only two confirmed photos of Abraham Lincoln (circled)
at Gettysburg, taken about noon, just after Lincoln arrived
and about three hours before his brief speech.

Thinking about Lincoln’s “Gettysburg Address” today and concluding that, most of the time, when we let the recollection of those famous 272+/- words run through our heads in a sort of rote “Four score and seven” triggered way, we risk missing the point, even from our historically informed viewpoint.

Yes, the “address” is about the awful carnage and honoring the sacrifice of those who died for a great and noble cause.

 

But when we see it only as “history” --

… and commemorate the passage of 150 years with anniversary lip service

… and conclude that the great mind and heart of Lincoln these few words synthesize has become our 21st Century reality

-- we do Lincoln, the address, the history and ourselves a great disservice.

If you’re inclined to give it some time today, as you re-read it, note how often Lincoln has repeated the word “here” and consider, as I have concluded, it is not simply an orator’s device and doesn’t simply mean “a portion of that field” in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania in 1863.

 

Rather, Lincoln’s “here” speaks across the seven score and ten years to the ever present here and  now and endlessly into the future and calls us -- “the living” -- to continued commitment to meaningful deeds, devotion and action in the service of whatever great and unfinished cause lies before us.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com  

The New York Times article from November 20, 1863.

Thank Goodness It's Monday #435

WHAT DO YOU SAY

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG?

The Parker Brothers game "Sorry!" as I remember it from my kidhood.

 

“I’m sorry,” right?

 

►   Isn’t that what your gut instinct suggests is the correct response?

►   Isn’t a contrite “I’m sorry” the reaction adults expected from the moment you were deemed old enough to know right from wrong and the responsible thing to do if things went wrong?

►   Can’t you still picture your second grade classroom and scowling old Miss Potter waiting insistently to hear you say those magic words?

Darn right. (Especially the Miss Potter thing. But that’s for another time and place.)

 

Guess what. I’m sorry to tell you but it’s likely the “I’m sorry” is --

The Wrong Response

 

We’re all adults here. So let’s allow that the underlying idea of being sympathetic and contrite in acknowledging and moving forward to correct an error is a childhood lesson worth conveying.

But it’s probably the wrong response for one adult to give another under most everyday circumstances where something may have gone awry. 

Here’s why:

“I’m sorry” is all about you, isn’t it? It expresses your feelings; your state of being. And that’s weak on two levels.

 

1. Because it’s you-centric – I’m the one suffering and most sorry here -- it’s first and foremost not about the guy or gal on the receiving end of your mea culpa.

2. “Sorry” is a loaded word, packed with a sense of feeling distress and being in a pitiable condition. So it has the potential to misinform your inner you. Express it enough and you chance becoming it.

 

It’s also often the precursor to the slippery slope of lame and blame. “I’m sorry, BUT …. whimper, snivel, sniff.”

Adults don’t need that. Making lame excuses is self-serving. Making lame excuses by assigning blame elsewhere compounds your guilt and in no way excuses or even begins to rectify the error.

So how do you respond when things go awry?

TGIM ACTION IDEA: If the apology-worthy thing that’s gone wrong is your doing, people want to know what you’re going to do about it. So tell them just that in a way that lets them know you sincerely intend to do all you can to make things right for them.

 

When you feel an “I’m sorry” pronouncement bubbling up, put this –

 

TGIM IDEA IN ACTION: Say “Thank you.” Declare your understanding and sympathy. Apologize. Take personal responsibility for following up. Share a plan of remedial action. Execute that plan, memorably.

 

Big bonus: Do this right and you may actually come out on the other side of “something gone wrong” with an even stronger bond or relationship than you might have had without a misstep.

 

So here’s just a bit more detail on the actionable components:

 

►Say “Thank you.” This immediately puts things in a positive light. Assuming the injured party is all cranked up and ready to have at you for some screw up, it’s quite disarming to hear, “Thank you for telling me …” Thank you for bringing this to my attention …” Thank you for coming forward …”

►Declare your understanding and sympathy. “That’s really awful … deplorable … unacceptable ….”  Expressed with sincere understanding this lets the victim of a wrong know you care about them personally. 

►Apologize. But not with a wimpy “Sorry …” Man up and let the victim know you relate. Say the comfortable-for-you equivalent of “That makes me mad, too.”

 

►Take personal responsibility for following up. “I’m going to personally see that your situation is resolved …”

►Share a plan of remedial action. “… resolved by doing X, Y and Z.” State this action plan in terms of the wronged party, not in terms of you or your operation.

 

►Execute that plan, memorably. The note you end up on is the note the offended party will have ringing in their ears in the future.  ASAP make things right – plus some. Involve others on your team in the response to make clear you’re not taking things lightly or dealing in isolation. Follow up on the follow-up. Confirm the remedial actions personally and touch base again even after you’ve been assured all has been made right.

 

TGIM Takeaway: When you’re able to flip your thinking and address a situation gone wrong in terms of the victim -- not your situation, your excuse or what you felt happened – you may end up with a positive recovery that yields a bond and benefits that extend well into both your futures.

 

And if this TGIM was NOT particularly useful for you –

 

Thanks for reading this far anyway. I hope you didn’t find it a complete waste of time. I know how infuriating some of that kind of information can be. Let me know if there’s subject matter you’d rather be hearing about I will do my best to share some personal experience or find other resources that might be beneficial for you. Until then, I look forward to reaching out to you again next Monday – or sooner.

 

See. The steps make sense.

And not being sorry can work out just fine.

Geoff Steck
Chief Catalyst
Alexander Publishing & Marketing

8 Depot Square

Englewood, NJ 07631
201-569-5373

tgimguy@gmail.com  

P.S. Speaking of righting wrongs in the business world, our friend, Sales Mastermind and customer care guru Jeffrey Gitomer suggests this –

Reality Check: Business studies show that it takes 12 positive occurrences to overcome one negative experience. (Men know this – it’s why roses come in dozens.)